100 Things
by GeorgieSusoWasSuarez
Summary: After a bus accident, the townsfolk of Animal Crossing come up with a fun game. I DO NOT OWN ANIMAL CROSSING. If you want me to do residents after I'm finished the normal characters, tell me by PM or Review! KTHNXBAI
1. Able Sistahs

A/N: I know I've been updating or writing new stories constantly but I really want to do this!

#1 – Able Sisters

The villagers from the town of Leopards sat miserably, watching Limberg trying to light a fire.

"It's no good! We need more logs or something!" he cried, desperately.

They had all been on their way to the city when, because of the rain, the bus had been skidding all over the road.

The bus had flown over a cliff but luckily the townsfolk managed to leap out and, apart from cuts and grazes, they were fine.

The same couldn't be said for Kapp'n.

Probably.

"When's help coming?" Olivia purred, sadly.

The rain was getting worse by the second and hope of rescue was getting weaker and weaker.

"I know what will pass time!" exclaimed Georgiee. "Why don't we list 100 things about members of the town and because they aren't here, they can't object to them?"

"Good idea!" smiled Margie. "Why don't we do the Able Sisters first?"

_1). They own a tailor._

_2). Their parents died in a car crash._

_3). Which is odd because you never see any cars around Leopards or the city._

_4). Maybe they were on a bus and the same thing that happened to us happened to them._

_5). That's a strange/spooky moment._

_6). Unless their ghosts haunt here. That would be bad._

"Wait a minute!" shouted Groucho. "We've gone off the subject totally!"

_7). Labelle is their sister but she left like the deserter she is._

_8). Maybe we should include her with the subject character._

_9). I hate her so let's not._

Everyone decided that this was a very good point from Georgiee and carried on.

_10). They make all their own clothes._

_11). That must be very boring._

_12). Sable is a girl._

_13). Mable is a girl._

_14). It's been proven she's a girl._

_15). Some people thought she was a boy before it was proven she was a girl._

"Nope. That was just you." Margie sighed.

Puck sulked.

_16). To say they're sisters, Sable, Labelle and Mable look nothing alike._

_17). Maybe they all had separate dads._

_18). Wow. Their mum was a bit of a slut._

"Don't say that! Her ghost may come and haunt us!" Cousteau warned Georgiee. "Delete it."

_19). NEVER!_

_20). I wonder if their "Dad" knew about her antics._

_21). He probably did and that's how they died._

_22). He killed her and himself._

"Why?"

_23). He couldn't live with the guilt._

_24). Their shop is a bit boring._

_25). They should decorate or something._

_26). We should call Sixty-Minute Makeover._

_27). Or Superman._

_28). Or Batman._

_29). Or Boone._

_30). Cos his house is awesome!_

"You know, it doesn't count if you say that about yourself." Sydney frowned.

No one listened because no one likes Sydney.

_31). Mable and Sable don't like Sydney._

_32). Labelle probably wouldn't like Sydney, either._

_33). But she's never met Sydney because Sydney isn't allowed in GracieGrace._

_34). She's too poor._

"Hey! I'm not poor!"

_35). Yes you are._

_36). Sable is ten years older than Mable._

_37). That means Sable is old!_

_38). Or maybe not._

_39). Unless they tell us their age, we'll never know._

_40). Being a girl, Sable would hate being called old._

_41). They live in their shop._

_42). We know that through science._

_43). And the fact they have no house._

_44). Unless it's invisible._

_45). That means Sable and Mable are MAGIC!_

_46). They should go to Hogwarts and make the most of that gift._

_47). Maybe their parents died in a flying car like in The Chamber of Secrets._

_48). That would be cool._

_49). Sad._

_50). But cool._

"We've gone off the subject again." Groucho scowled.

_51). That's how old Sable is. 51._

_52). That makes Mable 41._

_53). We know that because of maths._

_54). HOORAY FOR MATHS!_

_55). No one likes maths._

_56). But they dislike Sydney more._

"What does this have to do with the Able Sisters?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know." Admitted Boone.

"I'll fix it!" Puck declared.

_57). Mable and Sable don't like maths either._

_58). Sable has never said LOL before._

_59). She has never said ROFL before._

_60). She has never said ROFLMAO before._

_61). She has never said ROFLMAOBIHASDAAND before._

"No one's said that." Grouch pointed out.

"Yeah, what does it mean?" asked Margie.

_62). I'll tell you what it means._

"Please do." Replied Bonne.

_63). It means Roll On Floor Laughing My Ass Off Because I Have A Serious Disease And Am Now Dead._

"Oh." Everyone said.

Georgiee nodded.

_64). She has met me before._

_65). She has met Georgiee before._

_66). She has met Boone before._

_67). She has met Puck before._

"Before you carry on, Pate." Olivia frowned. "There's no need to list the whole town."

"Yeah. Do you know how pathetic you just sounded?" Alli laughed.

Pate narrowed her eyes and planned her revenge.

_68). Mable can't play the saxophone._

_69). She should really learn._

_70). It's a life skill that might save her life one day._

_71). Mable has never met Simon Cowell._

"That might be a good thing."

"Yes. He is awfully rude."

_72). But he could make them STARS!_

_73). Sable could perform magic tricks whilst Mable plays the saxophone._

_74). They could have perform with One Direction._

_75). Sable would love that because she's a Directioner._

"Aren't we all?" smiled Margie.

_76). Yes._

_77). Except for Sydney._

_78). She's a Beliber._

_79). This is punishable by death._

_80). Sable's going to cut your head off, Sydney._

_81). With a sewing machine._

_82). Then, she'll perform a ritual with your dead body._

_83). Whilst it's on fire._

_84). Then, we'll sing Kumbya and She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain._

_85). And One Direction songs._

_86). Then, One Direction will torch your house._

_87). Be afraid, Sydney. Be very afraid._

"I think she already is." Frowned Puck.

"So she should be. Sable, Harry, Zayn, Niall, Louis, Liam and I have been planning this for a while." Georgiee told them.

They all moved away from her.

_88). Sable has a longer nose than Mable._

_89). This is because she lies more._

_90). She's probably Pinocchio._

_91). God knows how I spelt that right._

"That's blasphemy." Margie frowned at Limberg.

_91). God knows how I spelt that right._

_91). Labelle knows how I spelt that right._

_92). Because she's half fish._

_93). Fish are very knowledgeable._

"So why do they get made into fish fingers?" asked Cousteau.

_94). That is one of the world's greatest mysteries._

_95). You can find out the rest of the world's greatest mysteries by purchasing this book THE WORLD'S GREATEST MYSTERIES._

_96). It's only £2.50._

_97). Buy it now! (If you can be bothered)._

_98). Mable wrote that book._

_99). It's as successful as Harry Potter._

_100). Neither of them have teeth._

"Well, that was a waste of time." Moaned Sydney.

The others responded by spit roasting her on Limberg's fire.

Hope you enjoyed!

It would be Blanca but I don't know her so…

NEXT TIME: BLATHERS!


	2. Blathers

**A/N: Thanks to EmoEevee345 for the review! K, now it's Blathers turn!**

"Sydney. Quit your bitching!" Georgiee commanded.

"But…YOU SPIT ROASTED ME!" Sydney cried.

Boone rolled his eyes.

"Well, at least we didn't eat you like Puck suggested."

Puck grinned.

"Yeah, yeah." Limberg frowned. "Are we gonna carry on with that list thing?"

"I have a name! Let's call it 100 Things. You know because it's a list of 100 things." Groucho thought aloud.

"Imaginative." Margie nodded.

"Wait! Where's Pate and Alli?" Cousteau asked.

"Oh," Olivia looked up. "Remember that thing yesterday where Pate plotted her revenge? Yeah, she's putting that into action."

"Oh dear…" everyone else sighed.

After Pate and Alli returned (Alli looked rather beaten-up), the Blathers list commenced.

_1). He has a sister._

_2). That's very clever of him._

_3). He runs the whole museum._

_4). That is also very clever of him._

_5). He should get a Nobel Prize._

"No!" Puck shouted. "I should! With my invention of Cake Soup."

"Oi!" Georgiee argued. "That was my idea. As was, licking batteries and putting soap in the microwave!"

_6). He is badass._

_7). Well, as badass as you can be when you're scared of bugs._

"Which is not at all." Cousteau smiled meanly.

"Actually," Margie frowned. "You're scared of goats."

"What?" Georgiee exclaimed. "Who has any strong opinion on goats?"

"I think they're going to ram me." He whimpered.

_8). He may not be badass but he's more badass but Cousteau._

_9). His best friend is called Steve._

_10). He's a ferret and is also a miner._

_11). On ya, Steve-o._

"How do you know that?" Pate asked Groucho.

"I don't. But it might be true." He replied.

"If we ever get out of this wood/canyon thing, I'll make sure to ask him." Olivia smiled.

_12). He used to be a monk._

_13). But he got kicked out for doing that Mars Bar thing._

"What Mars Bar thing?" Alli asked.

14). You know! The advert with the monks ringing bells. Then, they all have a Mars Bar and they jump up and down with the bell rope things.

"You humans and your silly adverts." Groucho frowned.

"That's not all. We use Russian Meerkats that talk to promote a car insurance comparison site." Georgiee told them.

15). I like his bow tie.

_16). He's a man._

"Genders? Again?" Sydney complained.

Everyone turned to Sydney and growled at her.

17). Blathers doesn't like Sydney.

_18). In fact, he wants to throw her in the tank with all the sharks in._

_19). Just for a laugh, you know._

"I'm getting a bit tired of all this bullying I receive from Leopards."

"Move out then."

20). Blathers is going to give his Nobel Prize to Georgiee now for that amazing idea.

_21). Blathers doesn't have eyebrows._

_22). Maybe that's a growth deficit._

_23). Blathers doesn't know where his parents are._

_24). He lost them one day and they never turned up in lost and found._

_25). He would make a terrible assassin._

_26). He also wears high heels to work._

_27). He is just that fabulous._

_28). He wants us to spit-roast Sydney again._

_29). I have a strong urge to oblige so I think I will._

"Whyyy…meeee?"Sydney cried.

30). Because you don't make any donations.

_31). Neither does anyone else._

_32). Maybe they should rename the museum Georgiee Museum._

_33). You know, cos I'm the only one who makes any donations._

_34). Even if some of them are forged._

_35). But I didn't know that at the time so he better not press charges._

"Errr…I don't like where this list has headed." Alli frowned.

Pate glared at her.

"Quiet you. You're not allowed to speak." She growled.

_36). His favourite book is 'Help, I'm A Moron' by Timothy Face._

_37). I'll tell you ten things he is secretly afraid of._

"Please do." Nodded Limberg.

38). K.

_39). Big dogs._

_40). Moths._

_41). A big dog with a moth in it's fur._

_42). Those things over there in the corner._

_43). 'Help, I'm A Moron' by Timothy Face._

_44). Calendars._

_45). Being eaten alive by antelopes._

_46). Not being eaten alive by antelopes._

"This actually happened to Blathers once." Georgiee told him.

47). The number 47.

_48). Going to sleep and when you wake up you're in Argentina and everyone's laughing at you in a foreign language._

"This also happened to Blathers once." Georgiee told them.

49). Blathers wanted to be a wizard when he was younger.

_50). Blathers is a bit deaf. I said, BLATHERS IS A BIT DEAF!_

_51). Blathers once won the Olympics by accident when he was running away from a butterfly._

_52). Blathers has a tattoo of Queen Victoria on his ankle._

_53). Queen Victoria had a tattoo of Blathers on her ankle._

_54). Blathers holds the world record for being Blathers._

_55). Blathers can't whistle no good. It's all out of tune._

_56). Blathers can fly._

_57). Not really._

_58). Blathers can't speak Russian._

"Well, that is interesting." Puck frowned. "Actually, how do you know so much about Blathers?"

"In University, I got a degree in Blathersisim." Georgiee told them. "That's why I've been adding so much to the list. I always knew all that research would come in handy."

59). Blathers has a portrait of Leonardo Da Vinci painted by Mona Lisa.

_60). He also has Shakespeare's right hand in a jar._

_61). His most prized possession is a signed photo of the Loch Ness Monster._

_62). Yesterday, Blathers found the world's biggest banana._

_63). It was twice the size of a normal banana._

_64). He's met Stephen Fry._

_65). He's the cat with the bass and drum, going round like bom bom bom!_

"Too right, bro!" Georgiee smiled at Boone.

They high-fived really loudly to give Sydney a headache.

66). He'd like to marry the Gingerbread man if he weren't a biscuit.

_67). He owns a fridge._

_68). When it's too hot, he hides in it._

_69). He likes sweet potato._

"Doesn't everyone?" Sydney asked.

"NO!" everyone roared and they threw her in a lake.

One Direction popped out the lake.

"It's that Belieber!" Zayn exclaimed.

"Get her!" Niall shouted.

"I like tacos." Harry said.

That was enough to get them angry.

"Aghhhhhh!" she screamed.

Everyone shrugged and carried on.

70). He likes your style of womping.

_71). He has sixty pints of rum and then he go BOM BOM!_

_72). He so cool and he so groovy when he go BOM BOM BOM!_

(Yes, I do love this song! How can you tell?)

73). Blathers is happy that Sydney is being attacked by One Direction.

_74). He is also a Directioner._

_75). We're all going to have a Sam and the Womp party in the museum._

_76). One Direction is invited._

"Cool!" One Direction grinned, taking a break from their violence. Then, they went straight back to it.

_77). He's going to be the subject of the next oneshot._

_78). Wait…I just broke the fourth wall. Sorry everyone._

"Who was that?" Margie asked.

"Why, it's the author. GeorgiexxxSuarez." Limberg told them.

"That's funny how the author's name is the same of yours." Boone frowned at Georgiee.

"No, I have two e's. And my name isn't GeorgiexxxSuarez. It's Georgiee. So it's only the first bit. That's like saying that Margie and margarine are related."

"Which we are not!" Margie yelled, a little too suspiciously.

_79). Blathers was a baby once._

_80). Wasn't he cute?_

_81). Aw, look at him in this picture. Puking his guts out…aw._

"Aww!" everyone cooed.

Even One Direction and Sydney.

"No!" Liam yelled. "You don't get to aww!"

And he kicked her in the face.

"Those One Direction lads sure are savages." Olivia frowned.

Puck nodded.

"But they sure are fit."

Everyone gave him an odd look.

Except for Pate.

"Mmm-hmm!"

_82). This has gotten weird._

_83). Maybe we should stop including One Direction._

_84). Blathers loves Eastenders._

_85). And Emmerdale._

_86). And Coronation Street._

_87). Hollyoaks is his favourite, though._

_88). Silas is his favourite character._

_89). Which is worrying._

_90). Blathers won the This Morning competition!_

_91). The prize was a picnic for six!_

_92). And a very nice car._

_93). He cruisin' in style now, bruh._

_94). My laptop nearly died then._

_95). There was a mad dash for the charger._

"That was a close one!" Groucho frowned.

"I nearly had a heart attack!" panted Olivia.

_96). So did Blathers._

_97). Blathers has never been to KFC._

_98). Once, he got locked in the Bug Room._

_99). That's where the phobia started._

_100). He is not a girl._

Suddenly, a very battered Sydney was thrown over to the camp from the lake.

"Ah! It appears One Direction have finished with their koala punch bag!" Cousteau observed.

"Have you learnt your lesson?" asked Georgiee, leaning in closer.

"Y-y-yes." Sydney muttered before spitting out four of her teeth.

"She's still talking! She hasn't learnt her lesson enough!" Boone yelled and he threw her back for Lesson Of Death – Part 2.

NEXT TIME:

LARRY BUTZ!

Wait, he isn't in Animal Crossing!

Well, that's a crime.

NEXT TIME:

BOOKER.

(That's not as good as Larry!)


	3. Booker

A/N: I should be sorry that last time's chapter was violent and stuff but I don't care.

**This time is Booker.**

**Go wild.**

"How is help not here yet?" frowned Margie.

Everyone shrugged.

"Anyway…we could do the 100 Things list again? Instead of just being bored waiting for this help." Recommended Groucho.

_1). His best friend is Copper._

_2). I've noticed that Copper smells like pizza._

_3). And that is my reason for licking him that time._

"I still can't believe you did that, Puck."

"What? It wasn't a sexual thing. I just thought he had pizza or something,"

"Maybe," Pate grinned. "He eats loads of pizza or something."

"Or he could have a pizza wife." Limberg added.

"Pizza perfume?" Olivia smiled.

"Maybe he's made of pizza." Georgiee frowned.

"What type of pizza was it?" Alli asked.

"Guys! All this stuff is about Copper. Save it for his list." Sydney cried. "Also, you've only wrote one thing about Booker."

_4). Booker is kind of thick._

Everyone looked at Boone, who shrugged because it was true.

_5). He is a British Bulldog._

_6). That's my favourite kind of dog._

_7). Apart from pugs. Hint hint._

Everyone threw his or her shoe at Georgiee.

_8). Booker wishes I wouldn't update so much._

_9). However, he's not a pug so we shouldn't listen to him._

_10). Booker doesn't like snakes._

"Why?"

_11). I don't know. My degree is in Blathersisim. Not Bookerology._

_12). No one took that at Uni._

_13). Booker would suit an afro._

_14). He's allergic to Nicki Minaj._

_15). She brings him out in a rash._

_16). Booker likes painting his nails._

_17). His favourite colours are pink, blue, green and not-really-yellow-more like-an-orange-but-looks-like-red-but-with-a-hint-of-purple._

_18). It took me ages to type that but it would take Booker even longer._

_19). You know, cos he's thick._

"That sounds mean!"

"But Margie! It's true."

"I know!" Cousteau shouted. "Why don't we have a code-word? Like, instead of stupid we'll have…nitrocellulose."

"That code-word is so nitrocellulose."

_20). Booker likes to go on holiday to the Bermuda Hexagon._

_21). It's not as dangerous as the Bermuda Triangle._

_22). IT'S WORSE!_

"Blimey! Sounds dangerous." Georgiee gasped.

_23). That's cos it is._

_24). Booker has also been to the Republic of Wales._

_25). That is a real place._

_26). Just ask your geography teachers._

_27). It's haunted by Curly Michael._

_28). He's a sea serphant who bores sailors to death with stories about kelp._

_29). When sailing in the Mahogany Sea, Booker was attacked by some plankton._

_30). In the Bermuda Shorts area, Booker was attacked by more plankton._

_31). Then, more plankton attacked Booker._

_32). When near Europe and stuff, Tortimer and the plankton teamed up and attacked Booker together._

"Oh dear." Pate frowned.

"Booker obviously doesn't get on with plankton. Or the mayor."

_33). Booker's boat is called The Nantucket Tickler._

_34). Booker used to be in the army._

_35). He shot 100 men on his first day at war._

_36). He didn't know he was meant to shoot the enemy._

_37). The General punched him in the neck._

_38). To be honest, Booker deserved it._

_39). He's a stupid and dangerous weirdo._

_40). He was so depressed; he changed his name to Barry Fungus and locked himself in a birdcage._

_41). There's a ballad written about it._

"Sing it!" everyone urged One Direction.

"No."

"Aw."

"But it sounds like a burpin' epic!" Georgiee protested.

"Since when has burping been an adjective?" Margie frowned.

"Burping isn't. Burpin' is."

_42). Last Halloween, Booker dressed up as a troll called Arthur._

_43). The year before, he was a witch._

_44). This year he's dressing up as a thing that looks like a gherkin._

_45). He's an old roo-de-lally._

_46). Booker had his contact lens stolen on Goblin Mountain._

_47). Then, he was duffed up whilst looking for it on Goblin Mountain._

_48). Also, he had his left leg eaten when he was running away from Goblin Mountain._

_49). It must have been badgers._

_50). Crazy badgers that have had too much sugar._

"Wait! That story isn't real."

"Well, stories rarely are." Boone told Alli.

"She's right! There is a CONTRADICTION in that story!" Georgiee declared.

"Well, go on then." Boone challenged.

"K. THERE ARE NO BADGERS ON GOBLIN MOUNTAIN! ALL BADGERS IN THE WORLD LIVE IN AUSTRAILIA!"

"Oh, yes. I forgot that." Boone admitted.

"And…Booker still has his left leg?" Alli sighed.

"So? It could be a wooden one." Olivia frowned.

"Yeah. That isn't a CONTRADICTION." Georgiee said.

"Is everyone stupid in this town?"

_51). It could have been goblins…_

_52). After all, their favourite food is left legs._

_53). Shabba me whiskers! Those darn goblins!_

_54). Booker's favourite rapper is Soup Dog._

_55). If you took Booker onto Overtourn Bridge in Scotland, he would jump off._

"Why? Is he suicidal or something?" Cousteau asked.

"Probably because he's so nitrocellulose."

"Nope. Overtourn Bridge is famous for dogs jumping off it and dying."

"Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" everyone screamed.

(Google it. I am not lying here.)

"How many have jumped off?" Alli asked.

"300. What? I just Googled it." Puck smiled.

"Yep. Once is an accident. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is enemy action. But over three hundred time is some Sumerian Demon or something." Georgiee told them.

(That's my favourite saying ever.)

_56). That means Copper would jump off too!_

_57). They could die together._

_58). How sweet._

_59). It's like Romeo and Juliet._

_60). Only Copper would be Romeo. He just seems more masculine. I don't know why._

"Wait. So, Copper and Booker are lovers?"

"That's right."

_61). Or maybe one has dirt on the other!_

"That's your answer for everything." Olivia sighed at Boone.

_62). Booker is more badass than Blathers._

_63). That means Booker is WAYYY more badass than Cousteau._

"Why?" Cousteau scoffed.

"GOAT NOISE!"

"What?"

"Well, you're scared of goats so I decided to make a goat noise to remind you of your fear whilst simultaneously telling you the answer to your question." Georgiee nodded.

"Oh. I think they go maa."

"Thank you. MAA!"

"Aghhh!" Cousteau shrieked and hid under the log he was sat on. Somehow.

That made much more sense in my head than it did out loud.

_64). Booker doesn't like Twilight._

"Does anyone?" laughed Groucho.

"I do!" grinned Sydney.

She was thrown back in the river for another beating from One Direction.

This time Harry Potter joined in.

"Ew, its Sydney!" he grimaced, sticking his head out the river.

Draco Malfoy also emerged from the river.

"Let's use the Crucio Curse on this mudblood!"

(I've forgotten what it does so if it's a killing curse or something, I'm sorry for not making sense. You know, because she's not going to die so…)

_65). Booker fancies Harry Styles._

"Don't we all?" Margie smiled.

"YES! BUT I DO PREFER THE OTHERS. I DON'T KNOW WHY, I JUST DO!" everyone yelled.

(I'm not actually a Directioner. I'm just taking the mick.)

_66). Harry and Booker are going to have a summer wedding._

_67). And everyone's invited!_

_68). Even you, the person reading this RIGHT NOW!_

_69). Lol. 69._

_70). Anyway, the reception is on the 8/1/121._

_71). Yeah, it's not for a while._

_72). More than a hundred years away._

_73). But I'm so excited about it that I'm counting down the days now!_

"I'm getting them a toaster for a wedding gift!" Puck declared.

"That's thoughtful."

_74). Call Booker, maybe._

_75). Cos you've just met him and this is crazy._

_76). So here's his number._

_77). So call him maybe._

_78). 8673460097532578665265465874 6756384653476536476836583642 ._

"That's a long number." Boone frowned.

_79). Nope._

_80). It's CHUCK TESTA!_

_81). That's the new version of RickRoll isn't it?_

_82). Booker RickRolls people when they ask for lost and found._

_83). Well, when I do, anyway…_

"You obviously haven't trained him."

_84). Booker goes to Compare the Market and **NOT** Compare the Meerkat to compare his insurance._

_85). Please don't do that, people! The Village of Meerkovo begs you!_

_86). We can't stress this point enough._

_87). If you go to right website, Alexandr Orlov, the founder of Compare the Meerkat, will give you free Meerkat toy._

_88). According to Microsoft, Meerkat isn't a real word._

_89). WHAT IS THIS SILLINESS?_

"ALERT! ALERT! YOU HAVE GONE OFF THE SUBJECT!" Groucho shouted.

_90). Oops. Sorry._

_91). Copper and Booker are SO in love!_

_92). Sorry, Harry Styles. You're out of the friggin' picture._

"Noooooooooooooooo!" Harry cried out before jumping off a cliff.

Everyone sang Beautiful by James Blunt as he leapt.

SPLASH!

"Aw."

_93). For the record Booker, I blame you for that._

_94). Harry's dead because of you._

_95). Caroline Flack will be so sad._

_96). So will Keith Lemon. For some reason._

_97). Booker is bang tidy!_

"HELL YEAH!" everyone cheered.

_98). If you don't think that Booker is bang tidy, he'll hide under your bed tonight._

_99). He'll eat your face **enter name here**._

_100). And shut up cos it's true!_

"Well, I think these lists are degenerating into ridiculousness."

"Oh, Sydney! You're back. How…good. And that." Georgiee said, weakly.

"Why is it always me who gets thrown in the river and beaten up?" Sydney complained.

They responded by throwing Alli in the river.

Cos no one likes Alli, after all.

**R.I.P**

Harry Styles.

He was a good…person and that.

So yeah and stuff.

"What a lovely eulogy." Zayn smiled at Niall.

**And that it is.**


	4. Brewster

**A/N: This time it's Brewster. I'm going to start before I puke from the awfulness of this author's note.**

Night was drawing ever closer and it was getting colder in the forest that the residents had found themselves in that day.

"I'm scared…" whimpered Pate.

"So you should be. There's probably bears and stuff out here." Puck agreed.

Then, a shadow of a bear emerged from the trees and let out a roar.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" everyone screamed.

"Guys, it's just me." Groucho frowned.

"Oh. We thought you were a bear." Boone told him as he sat beside him on the log.

"I am a bear."

"Let's just make Brewster's list, shall we?" Olivia frowned.

_1). Brewster is a pigeon._

_2). I don't know about other places but here, we hate pigeons._

_3). But they're not as bad as seagulls._

_4). They steal your chips and whatnot._

_5). DAMN YOU, SEAGULLS!_

_6). I only noticed yesterday that Brewster has a moustache._

_7). I thought he just had fancy glasses with twirly bits._

"Who would buy those?" Alli scoffed.

_8). Well Brewster OBVIOUSLY._

"Well, he's unfashionable OBVIOUSLY!"

_9). Shut up, Alli. None of us like you. Except for Sydney and that's not necessarily a good thing._

_10). Brewster doesn't like you either._

_11). He doesn't like Sydney as well._

_12). But he's too shy to tell her this unlike everyone else in the town and there isn't a point because she doesn't listen anyway._

_13). Brewster was married to Heather on Eastenders._

_14). You know, before Ben clonked her over the head with a picture frame._

"Wait, wait, wait." Limberg frowned. "I thought she was getting married to Andrew."

"Yes but she and Brewster were having an affair."

"Oh. Poor Andrew!"

_15). Brewster's favourite food are potato-and-donkey-yum-yums._

_16). Once he ate a coconut that tasted a bit like sick._

_17). And now he's never drank anything but coffee._

_18). He's a bit like Godot. Or Diego Armando, whichever one you like best._

(If you got that reference, well done. Have a potato-and-donkey-yum-yum on the house!)

_19). Brewster probably has a coffee addiction._

"WAIT!" Draco Malfoy shouted over. "You said probably so that's an opinion NOT a fact!"

_19). Brewster probably has a coffee addiction._

_19). Brewster has a coffee addiction._

_20). He also has a gryoid addiction._

_21). I bet he hoards them in that secret cupboard of his, behind the bar/counter thing._

_22). Nope._

"How do you know?" Margie asked Georgiee.

_23). Because that cupboard leads to NARNIA!_

_24). We know that from an experiment that Cousteau preformed._

"We'll have to go in again." Cousteau nodded to her.

_25). And we will._

_26). PREPARE YOURSELF NARNIA!_

_27). And Brewster's real identity is Mr Tumnus._

_28). That's why he never comes out from the bar._

_29). He has goat legs._

_30). He puts pigeon milk in his coffee._

_31). Ew, I just Googled it._

_32). It's stuff that pigeons feed to their babies._

_33). Basically, it's the pigeon equivalent of breast milk._

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

_34). I saw a pigeon in **Poundland** on Friday._

_35). It was flying everywhere and people were trying to catch it._

_36). I think it was Brewster because it kept standing on the coffee._

_37). It was only a baby though._

_38). Maybe it was Brewster's love child with a hot lady pigeon._

_39). Brewster's favourite film is Mamma Mia!_

"Hey!" all female residents yelled and glared at Puck for that statement.

"I'm not judging! I like the film. Especially the Chiquitita part!"

"Dude. Weak…" all the male residents sighed.

_40). Brewster used to be James Bond._

_41). In fact, all the films are based on true stories because it was Brewster THE WHOLE TIME!_

"Gasp!"

_42). Brewster wrote 50 Shades of Grey._

_43). He also put at least 121 cats in microwaves in his youth._

_44). He didn't want to._

_45). Nazi's made him do it._

_46). Bald Nazis that threatened him with Hoovers._

_47). **Slaphead Hoover Nazis!**_

_48). Those Roo-de-lallies!_

_49). Brewster wants to marry Olivia._

"Don't we all?" smiled Cousteau dreamily.

"No." everyone answered.

Olivia winked at Cousteau, who winked back.

_50). Brewster will be heartbroken by this flirting._

_51). Hopefully he doesn't do a Harry Styles and jump off a cliff to the tune of Beautiful by James Blunt._

_52). One Direction are still in mourning._

_53). Brewster doesn't believe in Father Christmas anymore._

"You mean Father Christmas isn't real?" cried a load of random children who were hiding in a nearby hedge.

Everyone looked in fear as the children jumped off a cliff to the tune of James Blunt.

"This whole list keeps ending with death. I'm not sure I like it."

_54). YERJBGJDSBGFGOSHDGFSYDGFY_

"What?"

"I don't know."

_55). Brewster is the Queen of England!  
_

"Wait a minute. First he's James Bond, then he's an author and now he's the queen?"

"What can I say? He's multi-talented!"

"Well who's he going to be next?"

_56). KYLIE!_

"You're running out of ideas."

_57). Brewster isn't a fairy princess._

_58). Everyone here would be surprised if Brewster was the Tooth Fairy._

_59). Brewster wants to stand in chocolate cake._

_60). He wants to take vengeance over all frogs with moustaches!_

Everyone looked at Cousteau, who stopped flirting at Olivia, and hid under his log again.

_61). A frog with a moustache killed his pet gryoid._

_62). AND IT WAS COUSTEAU'S GRANDFATHER!_

_63). Brewster dances on the ceiling when no one's around._

_64). He's also issued his own brand of encyclopaedias!_

_65). But the truth is…encyclopaedias don't work._

_66). Brewster wants a frigging cookie!_

_67). Boone, go get Brewster a cookie!_

Boone ran into the woods to look for a cookie.

_68). Boone! Whilst you're in there, DON'T TALK TO THE WEASEL!_

"WHAT WEASLEL?" Boone yelled back.

Suddenly, a weasel in a cape appeared and started talking to Boone.

"A THOUSAND YEARS HAS PASSED BEFORE- AGH!" the weasel fell to the ground as Georgiee shot it and the residents ran up to Boone.

"Boone!" Limberg commanded. "Did you talk to the weasel?"

"No!"

"Tell the truth! DID YOU TALK TO THE WEASEL?"

"No!"

"Fool! I AM the Weasel!" Limberg laughed.

_69). Boone, what have you done!?_

"Oh, come on! How could I have possibly known that?"

_70). Brewster still wants his frigging cookie, PUCK!_

Puck ran into the lake to search for the legendary Sea Biscuit!

_71). That was an awful pun. I don't think it even qualifies as one._

_72). Oh, looks like the list is ending soon._

_73). Brewster cried when Mike Franks died on NCIS._

"I cried too. How could they kill off such a legend? HOW?!" Georgiee cursed.

Then, everyone else cried for Mike Franks.

Except for Sydney.

She didn't watch NCIS so she just cried because she didn't know what was going on.

_74). Brewster has killed an ant before._

_75). Brewster has killed a mosquito before._

_76). Soon, an army of ants and mosquitoes will attack him for revenge._

_77). They're going to be led by the mosquito that gave Cheryl Cole malaria._

_78). Brewster was once a Doctor Who companion._

"Which one?" asked Pate.

_79). The ginger one who was played by Catherine Tate._

_80). Well, that was just a front._

_81). The BBC didn't want people to know a pigeon played her._

_82). Brewster wants the dislike button on Facebook._

_83). Brewster fancies Miles Edgeworth._

"Who's that then?" asked Margie.

"Honestly Margie! Do you live in a hole or something? Have you never played Phoenix Wright before?" Georgiee frowned. "This whole thing has been full of references!"

_84). Brewster has a zebra print hairdryer._

_85). So does the author._

_86). She dries her hair upside down for some reason._

"I'm starting to worry about this author."

_87). You should._

_88). I think this whole story is proof of that._

_89). So's the fact she hasn't run out of ideas yet._

"That is worrying."

_90). Brewster hides when he sees people he knows in ASDA._

_91). Just in case his hair looks a mess._

_92). Even though he has none._

_93). He's just an overly paranoid pigeon with spaghetti brains._

_94). But that spaghetti with the little hot dogs in that you haven't had for AGGGGES!_

_95). Brewster raves to 'Do you really like it?' by DJ Pied Piper._

_96). I have that song on my phone._

_97). Hopefully the text doesn't fly everywhere when I publish this chapter because it seems to have done that for the other chapters._

_98). Except the first one._

_99). Brewster got his glasses from Boots for half price._

_100). Brewster is allergic to trifle._

**A/N: Review you meanies. It can be a bad review or whatever because I have a bet going with my friend and if she loses, she'll give me ten quid! SO GET YOUR REVIWING SKATES ON!**


	5. Celeste

**A/N: Been updating a lot lately. Don't worry, as soon as I'm back in school you won't hear as much from me. Anyway, this time is Celeste. And I have decided myself that I'll also make a list for my residents too.**

"This list was an awful idea." Alli frowned.

"Then stop contributing to them, then." Pate grumbled, which was the first smart thing she'd said ever.

"Alli. No one cares about your opinions. Or you for that matter. You're just an Olivia wannabee." Cousteau complained.

"I think we should start before a fight breaks out or something."

_1). Celeste is the subject of this list.  
2). She should be honoured but she doesn't know these lists exist so she probably isn't.  
3). She is an expert in making babies go to sleep._

"Oh. How does she do that, then?" Boone asked.

"I don't know. I think she bores them about stars until they fall asleep."

_4). Celeste has a part time job as a bomb-disposal expert._

"Really? Does she like her job?"

"Well, the good thing about that job is you never really know if you're having a bad day or not."

_5). But Celeste falls asleep all the time.  
6). What if she falls asleep when disposing a bomb?  
7). We all die, that's what.  
8). Maybe she should just get a paper round like everybody else.  
9). Celeste likes opera.  
10). She can also see ghosts.  
11). There's a ghost in the museum.  
12). He lives in the fish exhibit and is called Pickles.  
13). This is his email address:_

_picklestheghost _

_14). If he likes you, he'll give you fish fingers.  
15). Celeste likes cold pizza.  
16). She thinks they taste like biscuits.  
17). I like her._

"Why?" Puck asked Georgiee.

"I said she's adorable and she said "Oh, no. You're the soul of all adorable, Georgiee!" so I like her."

"But she lies!"

Puck went flying into the lake for a session with One Direction.

But not Harry.

He still dead.

_18). Celeste does not know what adorable means.  
19). Yes she does.  
20). Seriously. She doesn't.  
21). Well, screw you.  
22). Celeste loves bacon.  
23). Celeste wants YOU  
to make a new constellation!_

_AT NEAREST OBSERVATORY!  
_

_24). Celeste's boyfriend is a model.  
25). Greasy Head Monkey._

"What?"

"That's his name."

"Who's called Greasy Head Monkey?"

_26). Well, Greasy Head Monkey, of course.  
27). Celeste plays VS battle on Mario games against herself.  
28). Blathers is always sleeping so she can't play against him.  
29). He'd see a Goomba with Wings and run away because it looks like an insect._

"You aren't very good at Mario lingo are you?" frowned Limberg.

"Yes I am. I have AWESOME NICKNAMES for some of them."

"Georgiee's the only one who calls them that though." Boone frowned.

"Yes. Those little turtle things..."

"Koopas?"

"Ducks."

Everyone went quiet after this and decided to carry on with the list.

_30). Celeste LOVES biscuits!  
31). In fact, you know those stars you see in the telescope?  
32). They aren't stars.  
33). They're crumbs._

"What?"

_34). Celeste has a small spot on her beak.  
35). She got it when she saved a cat from a burning centipede._

"How heroic."

_36). Her bow is made of penguin wool._

"WHAT?!" Puck cried, for he was a penguin himself.

"You heard me."

"P-P-P-PENGUIN WOOL?! AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_37). Celeste has a job on Most Haunted.  
38). When Celeste was a baby, she had sideburns.  
39). Even though she was bald.  
40). Blathers had mutton-chops._

"They sound like weird babies."

_41). Celeste invented post-stick notes.  
42). And Pepsi._

"What? But Pepsi hasn't been invented in our world yet!" Groucho complained.

"What? Urine has been around forever!" Olivia laughed.

_43). Try Celeste's SPECIAL stew!_

"Hm...it tastes a lot like a mouse's face." Margie frowned.

Eyebrows were raised at Limberg who was a mouse.

"You're imagining it wrong!" Sydney told Margie.

"We can fix that with training."

_44). Celeste doesn't like Sydney.  
45). Celeste was hysterical yesterday.  
46). However, she was being chased by Jack the Ripper.  
47). He was trying to stab her to death.  
48). She had every reason to be hysterical._

"Isn't Jack the Ripper dead?"

"How can we be sure if no one knows who he was?"

"Well, Jack the Ripper killed people ages ago. And I think it was Peter Sutcliff."

"Well, I think it was Doctor Who."

No one even gave Puck a response.

_49). Celeste wants to eat Sydney's face._

"Ok, ok. I know what's going on here. Whenever you run out of ideas, you start adding violence about me. And then, to get laughs, you chuck me in a lake to get beaten up by One Direction, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy! Then, they throw me back when I'm nearly dead!"

"We've told them not to do that. We've gotten Chuck Testa to come and he's going to stuff you." Georgiee told her.

"**Help! There's a Sydney in my bed!" Olivia cried.**

**NOPE. IT'S CHUCK TESTA.**

"That's awful."

"No. One Direction did it to Harry Styles after he died." Boone said.

"**There's a Harry Styles eating a taco out on my deck."**

**NOPE. IT'S CHUCK TESTA.**

_50). Celeste wants to get Blathers stuffed when he dies and have him displayed at the museum._

"**Is that Blathers in the bug room?"**

**NOPE. IT'S CHUCK TESTA.**

_51). Celeste dislikes cheese.  
52). Celeste wrote Withering Heights._

"Right! This isn't funny anymore! All you're doing is making stuff up."

"How do you know these things aren't true?" they all challenged.

"BECAUSE CELESTE DIDN'T WRITE WITHERING HEIGHTS! ANY IDIOT CAN TELL YOU THAT!"

"Well, that's like saying William Shakespeare defiantly wrote A Midsummer Night's Dream. Rumour has it that it wasn't him, it was King Henry VIII but because he was King he wasn't allowed to write plays! So he said it was William Shakespeare!" Limberg shouted.

"WITHERING HEIGHTS IS NEARLY 100 YEARS OLD!" Alli screamed back.

"Oh."

Everyone but Alli had a pep talk and maturely responded to Alli's argument by chucking her in the lake to get attacked by One Direction, Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy and Chuck Testa.

"I'm getting tired of all this fighting." Zayn sighed. "It's messing up my hair."

"You don't need fighting to do that." Laughed Liam.

This started a slap fight that turned into a war.

_Dear Reader,_

_The comment that Liam Payne just made is simply for humour.  
It does in no way represent the real Liam Payne's opinion of the real Zayn Malik's hair.  
In my opinion, Zayn's hair is really quite fantastic._

_Also, I apologise for this throwing in the river thing._

_It has gone on for five chapters and is frankly getting old._

_Just regular violence from now on._

_From GeorgiexxxSuarez_

"Well that was weird."

_53). Celeste loves Teletubbies.  
54). She was in it.  
55). She played the green one.  
56). And Blathers played the hoover thing.  
57). I think it was called Noo-Noo.  
58). Celeste wants to marry Tyrone of Coronation Street._

"Wait. I thought she was going out with Greasy Head Monkey."

"Well, you thought wrong."

"But it was in a fact up there." Limberg protested. Cousteau remained silent so he repeated himself. "There."

"That didn't happen. That was a paradox."

_59). Celeste likes cloud-gazing.  
60). Celeste was really a bungalow.  
61). Yep. You read that right.  
62). She was a bungalow before she was an owl._

"What?"

"That was another paradox."

_63). Celeste's favourite song is 'I Can Make You' by Nick Helm.  
64). She puts it on really loud when Blathers isn't raving to Sam and The Womp.  
65). Which is all the time.  
66). So she puts it on all the time to drown out the Womp.  
67). Celeste is in Balamory too.  
68). She plays the inventor in the pink castle.  
69). She also sings the theme song.  
70). She's scared of the teacher.  
71). She is quite weird looking. And scary._

"SO IT'S NOT JUST ME!" Grinned Groucho.

No one said anything because they were secretly afraid of her as well.

_72). Celeste is eating a sandwich RIGHT NOW!  
73). Celeste loves ALDI.  
74). The bus driver in Balamory is frigging awesome. She's called Edie McCredie.  
75). Yesterday, Celeste got arrested for slapping a cat in the face.  
76). And calling an old lady fat.  
77). Then she got into a fight with Gene Hunt.  
78). That's never a good move.  
79). Celeste's favourite day is Thursday.  
80). Let's eat a Thursday Roast to celebrate!  
81). YAY!  
82). Celeste is 65 years old.  
_

"No, she isn't."

"SHUT UP, SYDNEY! YOU'RE RUINING THE MAGICAL MAGIC!"

And she was slapped in the face with a parsnip.

_83). No one likes Manfred Von Karma._

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING WE'VE DISCUSSED, EVER!" Alli yelled.

"I just had some anger to vent. After all, he framed Miles Edgeworth for murder! AND THEN HE CALLED LARRY BUTZ "USELESS"! NO ONE DOES THAT WITHOUT DEATH!"

"Georgiee, you've gone a bit weird. And you've started frothing at the mouth. And rolling on the floor."

_84). Celeste wants to kill Manfred Von Karma.  
85). Well, a pair of tough titties to her. He's already dead._

"Khu khu khu..." Georgiee laughed, slightly evilly.

Everyone moved away from her, just in case.

_86). JAZZ HANDS!  
87). I mean, Celeste is good at jazz hands.  
88). Celeste is made of toffee.  
89). Their mother is called Mavis.  
90). Their dad is called Gary Barlow.  
91). Don't ask.  
92). But if I don't ask, how will I find out the answers to that one special question?  
93). What is the special question?  
94). What happened to the lists? Before they made sense.  
95). Shut up._

Seeing as Georgiee still had quite an eerie look about her so Olivia left it alone.

_96). Everyone knows that Celeste is part muffin._

"I thought she was made of toffee."

"Paradox."

"That's your answer to everything."

_96). This list is nearly over.  
97). Thank the lord.  
98). BEEP BEEP BEEP BEBEBEEPBEEPBEEP.  
99). That was Celeste in Morse Code.  
100). Celeste has a helicopter._


	6. Doctor Shrunk

A/N: BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO COPPER! HE'S BORING! Oh, ok. We'll just skip him, shall we? It's Doctor Shrunk time! YAY! IN MEMORY OF ORANGE! Also a character death in this chapter!

"Wait a minute. I thought we were doing these alphabetically?" Margie frowned.

"Your point being?" Limberg scowled.

"Why are we making Dr. Shrunk's list when we're meant to be doing Copper's?"

"Because Copper is as fun as a wet tissue."

"Fair enough."

_1). Doctor Shrunk is a FUN axolotl!_

_2). Well, that depends what your definition of fun is._

_3). If your definition of FUN also means FUNNY, then no. He isn't._

"What are you trying to say?"

_4). That even Susan Boyle with her CRAZZZY hair is funnier than Doctor Shrunk._

_5). Even funerals are funnier than Dr. Shrunk._

_6). One time I was at a funeral, and my phone went off on full blast._

_7). To make matters worse, my ring tone was 'I Will Survive'._

Everyone turned to Puck.

"True story."

_8). Note to Self: Don't invite Puck to funeral. He'd ruin it._

_9). Doctor Shrunk's blazer is UGLY!_

_10). It blinds me!_

_11). He used to be a travelling therapist._

"So, he was a shrink?" Boone asked.

_12). Yep. Shrunk was a shrink._

_13). Shrunk…I only just got that._

_14). Now he's a comedian._

_15). If that's what you want to call him, it's up to you._

"Huh? But he is a comedian!" Sydney protested.

"Arguably."

_16). Dr Shrunk doesn't like Sydney._

"Oh, come on!"

_17). His favourite joke is:_

_Why did Sydney cross the road?_

_Because she was being chased by people with torches who were baying for her blood!_

_18). His other favourite joke is:_

_Why did Sydney stop crossing the road?_

_Because she was dead._

"YAY!" everyone but Sydney cheered.

_19). Maybe I should take up a career in comedy?_

"Yep!" Georgiee nodded. "We could call you 'The Fabulous Limberg' and you could wear a top hat!"

"Maybe I shouldn't."

_20). Jason Mraz is Doctor Shrunk's biggest fan._

"That was random."

"But true."

"Not really."

_21). Doctor Shrunk uses subliminal messages in his comedy!_

"Gasp! How?"

_22). Listen to this joke backwards!_

My wife hates me! Why, oh why, oh why? I should kill myself or something…"

BACKWARDS TAPE NOISE!

"Shrunk for Pope. Shrunk for Pope. Shrunk for Pope. Shrunk for Pope."

"Wow."

"I have a sudden urge to establish Shrunk as the new pope…" Pate frowned getting up off the log she was sat on.

_23). I think Shrunk is married to Harriet._

_24). That is actually quite a good pairing._

_25). Note to self, note to self…_

"HEY! The author can't just keep butting in and breaking the first wall!" Limberg shouted.

"Actually, she's the author so in this story she can do what she wants." Olivia responded.

"Well," Limberg frowned. "I have some dirt on her! Did you know- She gives money to donkey charities?"

Olivia gasped.

"Wow! That's awful-ly kind of her to do that."

"Why do I get the feeling we're being watched?" Alli whimpered.

_26). Doctor Shrunk is smelly._

_27). He has feet._

_28). That may be why he's smelly._

_29). Maybe he should get some NON-SMELLY FEET SPRAY!_

_30). No, I'm only joking._

_31). It only comes in a lotion._

_32). The shop down the road is expensive._

"What does that have to do with Doctor Shrunk?"

"Nothing. But it's a fact, isn't it?"

"The same can't be said for every other list made previously."

_33). Doctor Shrunk is afraid of golf balls._

_34). I don't blame him._

_35). Over two people have been killed by golf balls._

_36). One was a ten-year-old boy._

_37). I'm hungry._

Puck was given a warning look from Groucho.

_38). Fine…Doctor Shrunk is hungry._

_39). Today is his birthday! He's 42 years old!_

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY!**

_40). Doctor Shrunk's name is Lakwesha Jackson!_

_41). He's 42!_

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY!**

_42). Doctor Shrunk is 42 years old!_

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY!**

_43). HE'S BEEN ON THE MOON!_

_44). He's been on the moon!_

_45). (He's been on the moon!)_

_46). Doctor Shrunk is 42 years old!_

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY!**

_47). He has a turtle and a monkey!_

_48). He likes POTATOES!_

_49). He takes school notes on FOIL PAPER!_

_50). SHRUNK HAS SIX LETTERS IN IT!_

_51). Doctor Shrunk works 14 jobs to pay his rent!_

_52). HE'S A PETAL!_

_53). Doctor Shrunk's name is Lakwesha Jackson!_

_54). He's known his best friend for four years!_

_55). My man don't own me. I OWN MY MAN!_

_56). He's been on the moon!_

"What's going on?" sobbed Sydney as Georgiee's facts got worse.

"Stop it!" roared Groucho. "Stop it before I buy a car and drive you to ASDA and leave you there!"

_57). His weave cost him FIDDY CENTS!_

"I'LL THROW YOU IN A CHEMICAL FIRE SO FAST NOT EVEN NAUTRO WILL BELIEVE IT!"

_58). Shrunk's house has 3 FRONT DOORS!_

"AND YOU'LL HAVE TO RUN LIKE YOU'VE NEVER RUN BEFORE TO ESCAPE THE FLAMES!"

_59). 13's a BIG number!_

"I'LL KICK YOU SO HARD, YOUR KNEE WILL EXPLODE AND MY FOOT WILL BREAK OFF IN YOUR FACE AND VOMIT TOENAILS AND SHOE POLISH!"

"W-W-Why don't you just take the laptop off her?" Sydney whimpered.

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST FRIGGING SHUT UP? NO ONES ASKING FOR YOUR OPINIONS! NO ONES ASKING FOR YOUR STUPID FRIGGING OPINIONS!"

**PUZZLE 121 – CALL SYDNEY WEIRD NAMES BEFORE SHE OVERHWLEMS WITH TRAUMA!**

"YOU STUPID COW! YOU HOLY PIECE OF POOP! YOU LOBSTER FACE! FUNKYMONKEY! YOU STUPID LITTLE BOY! YOU GIRLY-MAN! BOYWOMAN! STUPID WARP WOMAN! **COW!**"

**SCORE = 1,000,000!**

"I'm sorry, Sydney. I didn't mean any of that. Its just…Georgiee is going crazy and it's-"

"Hey, Groucho!" Georgiee chirped.

"From all the stress of being in this forest thing-"

"Hey, Groucho!"

"And prices going up everywhere-"

"Hey, Groucho!"

"And I have brain disease, which is, totally bad-"

"Hey, Groucho!"

"What? What is it?" Groucho shouted at her.

_60). Doctor Shrunk is 42 years old!_

**FELIZ NAVIDAD!**

"…And as I was saying…"

_61). Doctor Shrunk went to Year 1 today!_

"GEORGIEE!"

_62). He lives on the MOON!_

"Seriously, stop it before I-"

_63). Doctor Shrunk got a B in CIVICS!_

_64). He lives in the ATTIC!_

"AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Hey! Hey, Groucho! Hey! Hey! Hey! HEY! Groucho, hey! Hey, Groucho, hey!"

"WHAT? WHAT IS IT?"

_65). Doctor Shrunk is 42!_

**CRASH!**

Georgiee was thrown in a tree to make a new life with the squirrels.

"Now that's over with…" Cousteau frowned, coming out from under the log with everyone else. "Maybe we can finish the list?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" roared Groucho.

**GLASS BREAK NOISE!**

Groucho was thrown into a box filled with windows to calm down.

_66). To stay healthy, Doctor Shrunk eats 58 bananas a day._

"That's too many! That's too many bananas in his life!"

_67). Everyone is still slightly traumatised by what just happened._

_68). Just ignore it. WE HAVE TO FINISH THE LIST!_

_69). Doctor Shrunk is really Derek Accora's son._

_70). Doctor Shrunk is a spirit medium._

_71). I wish Doctor Shrunk was actually funny._

_72). That way learning new emotions wouldn't be so tedious._

_73). And it would actually be worth the money._

_74). Shrunk is really Santa Claus!_

_75). SHRUNKA CLAUS!_

_76). His sleigh is pulled by ducks!_

_77). HOORAY!_

_78). I'm inviting Shrunk to my birthday!_

_79). Please don't._

_80). If you say so._

_81). DOCTOR SHRUNK IS A BISCUIT!_

"Oh no!" Alli exclaimed. "The birds have thrown Georgiee out of the tree and disowned her."

"Can't say I blame them. I would too." Limberg frowned.

Groucho clambered out of the box.

"And Groucho's back out too." Sydney observed.

"What's going on?" he murmured.

"Because of your anger issues, Georgiee has been disowned by her family!" Limberg yelled.

Groucho yelled and ate Limberg.

Everyone screamed.

"OH-MY-GOD! GROUCHO-JUST-ATE-LIMBERG-AND-HE-HAS-REALLY-BIG-TEETH-SO-HE'S-PROBABLY-DEAD!" Everyone screamed.

"Yeah, he's dead. He's stopped kicking and stuff." Pate told them, feeling Groucho's stomach.

"What happened? I totally blacked out in rage back there! And why does my mouth taste of Limberg?" Groucho asked.

"You murderous manwhore."

"Wait, what?"

_82). Doctor Shrunk should come to Limberg's funeral._

_83). Groucho won't._

_84). He's going to be in a nice white room with padded walls._

_85). And, Puck, we'll only invite you if you promise to CHANGE YOUR RINGTONE!_

"Is 'Another One Bites The Dust' alright?"

"Not really, no."

_86). Doctor Shrunk was on the Titanic._

_87). Sadly, he died._

_88). BUT HE SURVIVED!_

_89). It's his 40th birthday soon!_

"Oh! It's my dad's 40th birthday soon!"

_90). Coincidence?_

_91). Probably._

"Damn it, Georgiee, your dad's old!"

"MARGIE! Alli's bullying me!"

_92). Doctor Shrunk would sort you out, Alli. Then you'd be in trouble. Yeah._

_93). Shrunk wakes up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy._

_94). Shrunk has killed an ant before._

_95). Shrunk has killed a mosquito before._

_96). Soon, an army of ants will attack him, seeking revenge!_

_97). Then, an army of mosquitoes will kill his wife._

"You know, Georgiee. You're like a mosquito because you're a vampire and stuff."

"Alli. Shut your gob before I turn you into a handbag."

_98). Doctor Shrunk is a hobo._

_99). He smells like beans._

_100). And feet._

**SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! I'VE BEEN ALL SAD AND THESE LISTS ARE NO FUN WHEN I'M SAD!**


	7. Gracie

A/N: I haven't updated this in forever…I get distracted easily. Has ANOTHER character death because Alli finally packed her shit! Woo!

"Once…more…you open the door," sang Pate. "I believe that the hot dogs…go on."

"Pate! You're ruining Limberg's funeral!" Georgiee exclaimed. "Its, I believe that the heart does go on. Not the hot dogs!"

"Oh. I did think it was a little odd."

"Whatever." Frowned Groucho who never liked Limberg. And it was his fault that Limberg died (seeing that he ate him) and, therefore, he had been blacklisted from the funeral. "Let's do Gracie's list."

_1). She's a stupid hoe._

"That's a nice start to the list."

_2). She smells like cat pee._

_3). She needs to sort her life out._

_4). Labelle works for her._

"That deserter again?" Georgiee pouted.

"So, basically, she works for the tallest person in the world who is bossy, manipulative, annoying, stuck-up, arrogant, smelly and a stupid hoe?"

_5. That's a gift._

_6. I think._

_7. Gracie smells like cat pee._

_8. In the normal world, this would just make her seem like a cat hoarder._

_9. However, this is Animal World so…that is really, really disturbing._

_10. Apparently, giraffes only have small vocal chords so they can't make a lot of noise._

_11. This must be a lie because Gracie is a giraffe and she doesn't shut up._

_12. Or maybe…GRACIE ISN'T A GIRAFFE!_

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN!

_13. She must be Voldermort!_

_14. Quick! Get Harry Potter!_

"No." Harry frowned, emerging from the lake. "I did it last time."

"Lazy skankhole."

_15). Quick! Get Mary Poppins!_

"We don't know where she is."

_16). Quick! Get…Alli!_

"Why me?"

"Because neither can live whilst the other survives. No go on, go fight him."

Alli left, sniffling.

_17. That'll show Gracie for saying I'm unfashionable._

_18. And for dumping all those tires in the water back at Puroro Town! (My WW town)_

"How do you know it was her? It could have been Kapp'n."

"I doubt it."

_19. I bet Alli is making her pay for her heinous crimes!_

"Nope. Alli was killed defeating Voldermort/Gracie."

There was a moment of silence as the news sank in.

"Yay!"

"Well," Pate frowned, picking up a twig she'd been using as a microphone. "I believe that the hot dogs go on!"

"I give up. I just give up."

_20. We'll send Sydney or something._

_21. FUN FACT: I bought a HUGE bottle of apple water from B&M Bargains for 59p and I called it Sydney._

"Should I be honoured?"

"No cos you smell."

_22. ANOTHER FUN FACT: GeorgiexxxSuarez accidentally dyed her hair black today!_

…

_23. I hate Gracie._

_24. I don't know why. I just do._

_25). Maybe I should kill her…_

Everyone scooted away from Georgiee.

_26. Gracie has a really nice car!_

_27. She has two eyes._

_28. She has one nose._

_29. She has two ears._

_30. She has one mouth._

Eyebrows were raised at Boone.

"What?"

_31. She is a girl._

_32. She owns a shop in the city._

_33). Her designs are ugly._

_34. And are way to expensive._

_36. And smell of cat pee._

_37. She isn't dead._

_38. YET._

Georgiee was given very worried looks.

_39. She eats her food without checking to see if there's any poison in it._

_40. She drinks water without seeing if it's poisoned, too._

_41. Khu khu khu khu._

"Most evil laughs are meant to be all MUHAHAHA but somehow," Boone frowned. "That was WAY scarier than all that nonsense."

"Well of course it is." Georgiee frowned. "It IS my evil laugh, after all."

_42. I have noticed something worrying._

_43. THE BRACKETS HAVE VANISHED!_

_44. Along with Alli…_

_45. Coincidence?  
46. Probably._

"Have you quite finished?"

"Yes, I do believe so."

_47. Gracie is the reason behind all Georgiee's murderous thoughts and actions._

_48. Gracie is going to be killed by a teenage assassin._

_49. Correction: She's going to be killed by TWO teen assassins._

_50. HOORAY FOR TEEN BRILLIANCE!_

Everyone gave Puck sad looks seeing as he was the one stuck in between Georgiee and Pate, who just happened to have gotten new career options.

Namely assassination.

_51. Gracie is on a magazine in Harriet's salon._

_52. It's probably Cat Pee Digest._

"That isn't a real magazine."

Two certain teen assassins gave Cousteau a very warningly warning look.

_53. Gracie doesn't wear pants._

_54. She fails in life for this reason._

_55. She might die pretty soon._

_56. A certain teenager is out to kill her for throwing all her goddamn tires in the sea._

Everyone snuck glances at Georgiee as she smiled innocently and discussed politics with her assassin sidekick, Pate.

_57. She would be the first person Georgiee would sacrifice to aliens if they chose to dominate the earth._

_58. She can speak._

_59. Because she can speak, this means she is not mute._

_60. She isn't deaf either._

_61. This means it's going to very hard to sneak up behind her and shoot her in the back._

_62. She's not blind._

_63. YET._

Everyone finally gave up trying to stop Georgiee from going on some sort of murderous rampage.

_64. She's an easy murder target._

_65. She isn't married yet._

_66. She never changes her clothes._

_67. If she became a lion tamer and a lion ate her it would be proof that animals hate her._

_68. She wears her own designs._

_69. That's a bit bigheaded._

_70. She probably has knickers with that Gracie pattern._

_71. And bras._

_72. And kidneys._

_73. Her eyes aren't though. They're black._

_74. But they will be covered with her blood._

_75. SOON._

_76. Her tongue is purple._

"What have I told you about looking inside her mouth?"

"I don't know. Do you think I listen to you?"

_77. She has no soul because she's a PUPPET!_

_78. Giraffe. Sorry, I meant giraffe. Giraffe._

"That is RACIST!"

"Mate. Via PM, I got called an ENGLISH MUFFIN. You do not know the height of racism until you have been called a MUFFIN."

(True story, bro.)

_79. She knows her ABCs._

_80. She can't do the split._

_81. She probably could before her body got longer than her legs._

_82. She can probably do it now but would look rather silly._

_83. She likes to laugh._

_84. I think._

_85. Her car doesn't go ten billion kilometres per hour._

_86. Her car doesn't go ten nanometres per hour._

_87. She doesn't scream "!" as she rides her car._

_88. She doesn't scream '!' either._

_89. She has drunk water before._

_90. She doesn't own a rocket._

_91. She doesn't own a spaceship._

_92. She can't afford a rocket,_

_93. She can't afford a spaceship, either._

_94. She won't be able to afford either of these unless she becomes a thief or enters a profession that pays a lot of money._

_95. She would flinch if she saw Georgiee holding a gun level at her head._

_96. She probably has Jamaican hair._

_97. She's good at copying people's gestures and such._

"Maybe she was an actress before she became a designer?" Georgiee thought.

"Oh, yes. I can see it now. GiraffeGirl, Heroin of Neo Olde Tokyo. Then, all the drug dealers would think she was a newbie drug dealer, specialising in heroin. Nice."

"I didn't need your sarcasm, Olivia."

_98. I think she's hungover._

_99. Just a theory._

_100. She's allergic to chewing gum._


	8. Harriet

A/N: This was done from my iPhone! I didn't know you could do this so I am totes-amaze-balls excited. To SheepPenguin244: Please don't.

Later that day, the villagers received news that Gracie had died of a heart attack just a couple of minutes ago. Pate and Georgiee smiled innocently and drank tea out of their imaginary cups.

"We didn't do anything. We've been down here all this time." Georgiee told them.

"Yeah! And we need to do another list, remember?"

"Oh great!" Puck smiled. "Gulliver's list! I have so many facts for his list-"

"No Puck. We're not doing his list. We're doing Harriet's instead."

"Shenanigans!"

1). Harriet loves meals on wheels.

2). I dislike her intensely.

3). She's next on my kill list.

"Brilliant. More murder." Groucho sighed. "Didn't you get all this angst out of your system whilst doing Gracie's list?"

"You'd think so but no." Georgiee frowned. "She dyed my hair green and I demand revenge!"

4). I'm going to lock her in a cave full of sex-mad Satan worshippers.

5). How awful for her.

"Please don't."

"Whether I throw her into a cave or bake her into a cake, what business of it is yours?"

6). Lol pwned.

7). Harriet's as sweet as a peach!

8). She's a strawberry milkshake!

9). The apples are ripe, the plums are red and we'll all be sleeping in a blanket-y bed.

10). Harriet loves Harvest Festival!

"Why?"

"God, I don't know."

11). She doesn't do the hustle.

"Why not?"

"I dunno Groucho. Personally, I think it's because she's a boring old fart. That reminds me! I have to go and kill her." Georgiee told him.

"I'm coming too!" Pate yelled as she ran after her.

"Well," Groucho frowned. "Maybe the list will get less murderous now."

12). Harriet loves Gangam Style.

13). She eats cheese and pickles.

14). She fancies Katrina.

Puck took a drink so he could spit it out.

"What?!"

15). She wants to eat her face.

16). Harriet plays Sun Bingo!

17). Harriet reads Fifty Shades of Grey.

"What is this strange obsession with Fifty Shades of Grey?" Boone frowned at Olivia.

"It's the new Romeo and Julliet!"

18). Harriet smokes WEED!

"Gasp!"

19). Harriet watches Downton Abbey with Tom Nook.

20). Harriet is WELL LUSH!

21). Harriet played a munchkin in the Wizard of Oz.

22). She's the one that the Suicidal Munchkin fell in love with.

"Huh?"

"There's this vid on YouTube that shows a munchkin killing himself in the original version of the film." Boone explained.

"I must watch this!" Cousteau exclaimed.

23). Harriet is sexy and she knows it!

24). Should of gone to SpecSavers.

25). Harriet plays Ben in Eastenders.

26). Well, she did before Ben went crazy and killed Heather.

27). Instead of killing Harriet, I killed Cousteau instead.

"Aghhhhhhhhhhhh!"

28). By accident, of course.

(That'll teach him for leaving Leopards!)

"What have I missed?" Georgiee asked.

"Suicidal munchkins, Downton Abbey, Fifty Shades of Grey and Sun Bingo."

"What took you so long?" Boone asked.

"Well, I decided to re-build my Wild World town because it was nasty and Tom Nook made me write a letter to someone called Nibbles."

"Let's have a look." Margie asked.

Dear Nibbles,

Hai lozer

go shop at nook's cranny

im ritig dis letr cuz hes forcin mi aginzt mi wil

From Georgiee

"That was awful!" Margie exclaimed.

"Fine writing is an art, Margie. I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"I may not know a lot about fine writing but I'm sure it isn't meant to be written in pink crayon."

"Well someone ate my blue one."

"Was it you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

29). Harriet told me to. She said it would keep my hair blue.

30). Oh, right. Is it working?

31). Not really, no.

32(. Harriet is a smelly.

33). Harriet is stupid.

34). She was stupid enough to dye her hair pink.

35). She didn't dye it red.

36). She didn't dye it orange.

37). She didn't dye it yellow.

38). She didn't dye it green.

39). She didn't dye it blue.

40). She didn't dye it purple.

41). Harriet needs to sort her life out.

42). She wears just an apron.

"Dirty nudist."

43). She fails in life in this reason.

"Didn't we use that for Gracie's list?"

"Shh!"

44). Harriet smells like fish.

45). She drives a truck.

46). Harriet is sassy.

47). Harriet is scared of the number 47.

"There is so much I could say to that fact…but I'm just going to keep quiet."

48). Harriet is a LATE-FACE!

49). Late-faces like her probably don't know this 'cause they're always LATE…

50). …but a lot of your houses style depends on carpets and wallpaper.

"What?"

51). I bet she doesn't even know what a carpet is!

52). She has never tasted Georgiee's Chocolate Crunchy Flan.

53). Well she hasn't LIVED!

54). Harriet thinks its acceptable to walk around in her underwear.

55). Well it isn't!

"Oh great," Georgiee frowned. "Tom Nook wants me to write something in the bulletin board about his poxy little shop. Something the kids will think is catchy and cool apparently."

Well SHIT. go shop in nooks cranny bitch

"Is that catchy and cool enough for you, Nook?"

56). Harriet loves Florence and the Machine.

57). Harriet steals from the lost and found.

"Doesn't everyone?" asked Sydney.

"No." everyone replied.

"Oh."

"You thieving bitch!" exclaimed Georgiee and she started hitting Sydney with her shovel.

58). Harriet wears Tena Lady.

"Why?"

"Because oops moments happen!"

"Huh?"

"She pisses herself when she sneezes."

59). Harriet pisses herself when she sneezes.

60). Harriet is not allowed to walk for more than 15 minutes.

61). She's pregnant!

"How on earth did you know?"

"Listen, my mother has been pregnant twice in the last year and will be partially for the next one. I know a little something about pregnancy."

"Wait…so your mum's pregnant now?"

"Yes. And that horrifies me."

62). She's pregnant with Nook's baby!

63). HOLY JEEBUS!

64). I'm going to tell Sable- AND WATCH HER CRY.

"Olivia, you little shit stirrer!" Pate gasped but she'd gone.

"Wait, if we keep continually leaving," Groucho frowned. "Why don't we just leave this forest and go back to Leopards?"

"Because none of this real, Groucho. You've been on drugs and have been imagining this whole thing."

"That would explain some of the facts in this."

"Lol, joke." Georgiee continued. "It's just that we've already called the rescue services and it would be quite rude to just leave when they're trying to save us."

"Fair enough."

65). Harriet is eating a Nutella sandwich right now.

66). Harriet love the song 'Mamma Do The Hump'.

"I am not aware of that song."

"Sure you are!"

Mamma do the hump, Mamma do the hump hump!

Mamma won't ya please let me do the hump hump!

"It's alright! I don't need you to sing it at me."

"You boring old fart, Groucho."

"You exciting young fart, Georgiee."

"Ok fair enough."

67). That's how old Harriet is. 67.

"No she isn't."

"Yep she is. People who are going to die soon age faster."

68). There's no bread! ASKJFJAHLDGSHHSJS

69). There are 69 loaves of bread in Harriet's house.

70). She lives under the floor in the roost.

71). Nook pays her extremely bad wages.

72). I think some Christian people who came to my door and started giving me a lecture cos I don't believe in God were Harriet and Katrina in disguise.

73). BITCHES!

74). They gave me a leaflet about 'Life in a Peaceful NEW WORLD'.

75). I wish they hadn't.

76). Maybe I don't want peace? Maybe I want all night rave parties!

"Do you?"

"No. But it would of been polite of them to ask."

77). There's an ugly kid on the front.

78). And a guy that looks like Hitler on the back. That's more than worrying.

79). If they'd of had pink hair I'd be sure it was Harriet and I would of been able to sue they for all they own.

80). Theres two kids stroking a bear.

81). You don't stroke a bear. That's extremely dangerous. Especially if that bear is Groucho. Or Harriet.

82). She's a poodle, idiot!

83). A fancy smancy poodle.

84). Harriet loves the song Whistle by Flo-Rida.

85). She's dirty!

86). Mermaids!

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Yes it is."

"Right then. Moving on."

87). Harriet fell off a cliff yesterday.

88). And we fell off a cliff 5.8 days ago!

89). Coincidence?

90). Probably.

91). Harriet has a hidden Afro.

92). Her secret job is…A REDNECK PIRATE ASSASSIN!

93). She wants to lick you, Puck.

94). If you'll pardon the pun.

"What pun? THERE IS NO PUN THERE!"

95). What's pink, white and carries a trunk?

96). Harriet going on holiday.

97). What's pink, brown and carries a trunk?

98). Harriet coming back from holiday.

"Not necessarily. She might of gone to Alaska. Or England."

99). Harriet smells of astronauts.

100). Harriet owns an XBox.


	9. Kapp'n

I'm gonna do Kapp'n now because I have wanted to for a while. I'll do K.K Slider next time. Pinky promise swear down on ma liiiiiife.

1). He's a pirate.

"Who are we talking about?" Pate asked. "Who's a pirate?"

"Kapp'n."

"Oh that creeper."

2). He's old.

"How do you know? I don't even know how old I am."

"I don't know. It's just a guess."

3). He's a fricken pervert!

4). Combine that with the fact he's old and that makes him a pedophile.

5). A fricken pedophile.

6). He is not fluffy.

"Who are we talking about?" Sydney asked.

"Your husband, Kapp'n."

7). Then he is DEFINITELY not fluffy.

"My husband is manly and fluffy things aren't very manly."

8). He's in heaven now.

9). He's wearing a white dress.

10). And he's got wings.

"I've always wanted wings." Puck smiled thoughtfully.

11). He enjoyed watching Second Hand Lions with the world's greatest contract killer.

12). NCIS re-runs too.

13). He's currently looking down on the world's greatest contract killer beating up his wife from 'where he currently is'.

"Where he currently is?"

"Heaven. It's a code word."

14). Like a stalker.

15). He was not crazy over K-Pop when he was younger.

16). He was not crazy over J-Pop either.

"Well if he was he never told me about it."

17). He is not an alien chocolate chip cookie.

18). He doesn't eat brains either.

19). So he is not a zombie.

"You girls are getting ridiculous."

20). He does not name all his water bottles.

21). He doesn't call them his friends either.

"Unlike a certain author we know."

HEY! I ONLY NAMED ONE! IT WAS CALLED SYDNEY BECAUSE 'A BOTTLE OF APPLE WATER FOR 49p AT B&M BARGAINS' IS NOT CATCHY!

AND IT GOT RAN OVER.

I CALLED IT SYDNEY.

22). He is not edging towards insanity.

23). He does not giggle.

"Why?"

"Because giggling isn't very manly."

"But I giggle!"

"We've had this conversation, Puck. You aren't very manly." Olivia sighed.

24). He does not jump onto unsuspecting cars for a free ride.

"That would be criminal!"

"But I do it!" Georgiee protested.

"CRIMINAL!"

25). He doesn't drive a convertible cream Mini.

"But they're so cute!"

26). He thinks they're cute too.

27). He does not run up to strangers, yell "THIS IS SPARTA!" and pull their pants down as a part-time job.

28). Even though he was offered to.

29). This makes him a good example.

"But he's a weird pervert slash pedophile that drove a bus off a cliff."

REST IN PEACE

30). He is not a sexist pig.

"Arguable."

31). He does not own a papaya tree.

32). He does not go crazy at any mentioning of burgers.

"I wonder who…" Puck wondered then realisation hit him. "HEY! I do NOT go crazy, I get excited. There's a difference."

33). He does not own slaves.

34). He does not eat pandas.

35). He does not keep pandas as slaves.

36). He does not pretend he is a panda.

37). He does not eat kangaroos.

"I just thought I'd put it out there so people didn't think otherwise."

38). He does not know how to train your dragon.

39). He has never played hookey in court.

40). He falls off chairs on a daily basis.

41). He knows a lot of big words.

42). He does not behave like a hormonal teenager.

43). He is not part of a cult.

44). He is not part of a cult that worships Georgiee.

45). As far as we know.

"Does such a cult exist?"

"No I don't so."

"It should."

"Why?"

"They might sacrifice people and things. A bit of respect."

*Insert song lyrics here*

46). He did not donate his pretty, pretty hair to charity.

47). But he does donate sodium thiosulfate to charity.

48). He feels as if he's beautiful.

"Oh, Groucho. Only you feel that way."

49). He does not have a magic pocket full of everything.

50). So we can rule out him being a Doraemon.

51). He is not a unicorn.

52). He is not a unicorn that poops rainbows.

53). Or leprechauns.

54). Or the Titanic.

"Poor unicorns that poop the Titanic."

"I wish I had a unicorn that pooped the Titanic!"

A unicorn appeared. It pooped the Titanic.

SHIP HORN NOISE!

"Yay!"

55). He does not jiggle his bum when he's happy.

56). He is not an alien bent on destroying the world.

57). He loves everything beginning with G - as in yours truly, gardens, g-strings, gorillas and German Shepards.

58). He is computer literate - unlike most adults.

59). He does not approve of ponies.

60). He does not want whiskers.

"He told me once that they itch and are overrated."

61). He hated my pet rock.

"Why?"

"He hated inactiveness. My pet rock didn't do much. And he hated it's name."

"What did you call it?"

"Jedward."

62). He hated Paddington Bear dolls.

63). He hated a lot of things.

64). He shaves his legs.

65). He does not speak Ye Olde English.

"Thou hav underestimatedeth my husbandeth."

"You can't speak Ye Olde English."

66). He sweats from his eyes.

67). He cannot be trusted to be left alone with sweets in the house.

68). Before he became a bus driver, he wanted to be the Go Compare man.

69). Before that he wanted to be a pizza delivery guy.

70). He has never taken belly dancing lessons.

71). He can rap.

72). He is a pretty butterfly.

73). He probably went into the girls bathroom when he was younger.

"Knowing him, he probably set up a tent and lived there, making a documentary. David Attenborough style!"

74). He does not have haemorrhoids.

75). He does not bring up haemorrhoids in every conversation.

76). He does not want haemorrhoids.

77). He does not have nappy rash.

78). So he doesn't need nappy rash treatment.

79). He does not need adult nappies.

"Do you use adult nappies?" Georgiee asked her grandad who had just strolled into the area.

"No."

80). Georgiee's grandad does not need adult nappies.

81). Kapp'n does not feel that he's a Barbie girl in a Barbie world.

82). He has never needed psychiatric help.

83). He loves seaweed flavoured popcorn.

84). He's going to help me take over the Earth.

"World domination is not in your job description as a contract killer."

85). Kapp'n loves cucumber floats.

86). His cucumber floats glow green with LOVE

87). Kapp'n does not have a kettle.

"Then how does he make himself a warm beverage?"

"He doesn't."

88). He is fascinated by tectonic plates.

89). He fell through a window when he was younger.

90). It damaged his brain.

91). That's why he is fascinated by tectonic plates.

92). He has never played Magical Starsign.

93). He should.

94). He has a little figure of himself on his bus.

95). Maybe he uses it for voodoo.

96). That would Kapp'n self harms.

97). Doesn't he know that's dangerous?

98). Obviously not.

99). If I was married to Sydney, I'd probably get depressed too.

100). Kapp'n doesn't believe in gravity.


	10. KK Jammy Gammy Lammy…

"I'm going to ASDA. I am not going to return." Margie told the group.

"KTHNXBAI." Georgiee nodded at her.

"You are getting really lazy with these character deaths." Pate frowned. "When are you going to tell the audience that they're really getting barbecued and eaten by us?"

"Never, Pate. Never."

1). K.K Slider is a dog.

"I love dogs!"

2). His ears are not in proportion to his head.  
3). His head is very big.  
4). As are his eyebrows.  
5). Maybe it's a growth deficit.  
6). K.K is the only person on earth who could call me a hipster and not get a punch in the face.

"Did he?"

"Yes."

7). He is not a mermaid.

"SLOW"

"BLOODY"

"CLAP"

8). When he was little, he wanted to be an astronaut.  
9). He would be slightly nervous if Georgiee was throwing a bomb at him.

"Wouldn't we all?"

10). If we put a red cone on his head when he was fishing, he'd look like a garden gnome.  
11). He always gets self conscious about his ears.  
12). He is married to a mermaid.

"What is this? Ears, cones, mermaids…"

"Don't forget trees and squirrels!"

"Wha-"

13). K.K is happiest when he's in his tree.

"Oh."

14). This makes him a squirrel.  
15). K.K takes lots of pills.  
16). They stop him from rolling around the floor and thinking he's the most beautiful caterpillar of them all.

"Oh. I have that." Puck frowned.

17). K.K predicts a riot,  
18). He was born during an awkward silence.  
19). He wants to marry Master Chard from Magical Starsign.

"Who doesn't?!"

"Lots of people. He's an evil pirate boss with a purple afro."

"Fair enough."

20). He's glad Maddie died on Hollyoaks.  
21). He ships Sheldon and Amy on Big Bang Theory.  
22). If he saw a mermaid in his toilet, he would slightly surprised.  
23). He plays the guitar naked.

"Why?"

"Wearing clothes is too mainstream."

24). K.K is indie.  
25). He is so gangster.  
26). YO! 3  
27). He's a pimp.  
28). He was born to be lady of the manor.

"What manor?"

"The o great manor of K.K Slider. God, keep up."

"Totally rood of u."

"No that's the full name."

29). He broke his ankle doing Gangnam style.  
30). His arch-nemesis is the Cow of Death.  
31). Also known as Miss Gibson.  
32). My French teacher.  
33). God, I hate her.

"Why does he hate her?"

"Cos she smells like wee and BO."

34). He is a fauve.

"What's that?"

"It's French for wild beast."

35). K.K, you wild beast, you.  
36). Control yourselves ladies!  
37). Control your ovaries!

"This has gotten weird. Georgiee, go sit in the corner. You're having a time out."

"Aw. That's the type of thing Miss Gibson would do."

38). K.K plays on the Wii.  
39). I know what he did last Wednesday.

"What?"

"First, he woke up. He got dressed and uttered one thousand curses. For breakfast, he had an orange and a fromage frais. After that, he made sixty voodoo dolls. Finally, he threw one at me when he noticed me outside his window."

"Olivia, you are a literal and tiny little weirdo."

40). He has had twelve number ones.  
41). He would've had more but then he started mouthing off saying how he wanted his music to be free.  
42). Free as a bird.

"Oh how wonderful."

43). He is bootiful.  
44). He became a woman called Hilary for two years for a dare.  
45). He gave birth two hours ago.

"Oh really?"

"Yes. To an octopus called Marina. If you have her in your town, fire-y death will rain down on her 121st month alive. Then, the world's destiny will be fulfilled."

"Georgiee, get back in the corner."

46). He's a Virgo.  
47). I don't know why.

"I do. He was born on the 8th January!"

"That would make him a Capricorn, you fool!"

"How am I meant to know?! Honestly…"

"The 8th of January is YOUR birthday!"

Georgiee went back to sulking in the corner.

48). He can't finish Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off.

"That's foolishness."

49). He makes all the annoying Swag-Notes on Facebook.

"How do you know that was him?"

"I checked his laptop. Apart from a lot of porn, I found a lot of Swag-Notes. I swapped a few words with FOOD."

I don't care how many people there are in the world. I want FOOD. End of story.

50). He's crying in a dark pit right now.  
51). K.K invented YOLO.

**YOLO**

"I wish he hasn't."

52). False. You live every day. You only die once.

**YODO**

53). K.K makes potpourri.  
54). He loves lavender.

"Why? Sydney has lavender eyebrows."

BURN ALL THE LAVENDER!

55). His daughter, Marina, is very ashamed of him.  
56). His eyebrows are bigger than his eyes.  
57). He smells people's bums as a greeting.

"He did that to me once. Only he paid me afterwards." Puck frowned.

"…"

"In fish fingers."

"…"

"They were nice-"

"SHUT UP!" Georgiee yelled, a torrent of birds flying out if the tree she was sat behind.

58). K.K had his first biscuit today.

"YAY!"

59). I want him to marry my dog. I don't like her and want her to leave so maybe if she marries him she'll move in with him and she won't bash my door open every night.

"That was very precise."

"It should be. I dislike her intensely. She always wakes the baby up when she barks at nothing and don't get me started on the door thing."

60). My dog is officially Mrs Rosie Slider, PHd.

"How did she get a PHd?"

"I don't know, she's a stupid cow at the best of times."

61). He's not a mermaid in disguise.  
62). He wrote the Shelia's Wheels jingle.  
63). K.K is a member of LadyTron.  
64). He went through a biscuit prostitute stage when he was twenty-two.

"What the hell is a biscuit prostitute?"

"Basically a normal prostitute. Only you get paid in biscuits."

"The things some people will do for biscuits…"

"I'd become an Ood lawyer." Georgiee frowned.

"I'd punch a horse." Groucho added.

"And Ood Lawyer? … huh."

65). He dislikes the smell of lemons.  
66). He would hide if there were terrorists out to get him.  
67). He is the only person in the world who likes Parma Violets.

"HEY! I like Parma Violets!"

68). CORRECTION - He is the only person apart from Olivia who likes Parma Violets.  
69). K.K is good at impressions.

"Can he do Matthew Perry?"

"No. But he can do Rebecca Black."

"Ew."

70). It's been so long since he's had sex, that he's wondering if they've changed it.  
71). He doesn't throw pears down the stairs for a job.

"I do."

"You rude cow. Violence to all fruit better stop. Especially to pears. It's giving me nightmares."

72). He loves swag.

If they can't do their part, they don't deserve your FOOD.

73). He also loves food.

A good boyfriend can't fix all of your problems, but he can promise you LOTS OF CHICKEN.

"Will you stop putting things like that just so you can enter more of your messed up Swag-Notes?"

74). K.K is happy because Merlin is on tonight!

"Georgiee is happy because Merlin is on tonight! I'm going to marry Percival!"

75). K.K skates in the Capades.

"The Ice Capades?!"

"No. The Gravel Capades."

76). He once slapped a cat in the face.  
77). If he saw a cat, he'd chase it up a tree.  
78). And then wee on it.  
79). Especially Katrina,  
80). She cursed his guitar.  
81). When he was thirteen, he got a part time job as a waitress.

"How did that happen?"

"I have no idea."

82). His full name is Jammy Gammy Lammy F'Huppa F'Huppa Berlin Stereo Eo Eo Lebb C'Yepp Nermonica Le Straypek De Grespin De Crespin De Spespin De Yespin De Whoop De Loop De Brunkle Merry Christmas Lenoir.

"Really?"

83). But his friends call him K.K Slider.  
84). Now you better make your mind up whether you're his friend or not.  
85). If you are, you can call him K.K Slider.  
86). But if you are not, every time you see the name 'K.K Slider' ever, you'll have to say 'Jammy Gammy Lammy F'Huppa F'Huppa Berlin Stereo Eo Eo Lebb C'Yepp Nermonica Le Straypek De Grespin De Crespin De Spespin De Vespin De Whoop De Loop De Brunkle Merry Christmas Lenoir.

"Oh dear."

87). For instance, he's about to go running down a hill like this:  
88). K.K Slider went racing down the hill like a runaway marble.  
89). If you're not his friend you'd have to read it like this:  
90). Jammy Gammy Lammy F'Huppa F'Huppa Berlin Stereo Eo Eo Lebb C'Yepp Nermonica Le Straypek De Grespin De Crespin De Spespin De Vespin De Whoop De Loop De Brunkle Merry Christmas Lenoir went racing down the hill like a runaway marble.

"Alrighty then. It's a good job I'm his friend."

91). Most people in Leopards chose to be K.K Slider's friend for the sake of time and convenience.

"It's a good job he's worth liking."

92). He's so bad at guitar it makes me want to put my finger in my eye, jam it into my brain and swirl it around.

"So you're not a fan."

"Not really." Groucho frowned.

93). He once left a baby on a bus.  
94). His mother was called Steve and his father was called Rachel.  
95). He wants to marry Stephanie Schiffer.  
96). 'Smelly Cat' is his favourite song.  
97). It's his ringtone.

"Mine too!"

98). He rode the bus today!  
99). Kapp'n felt him up.  
100). He took advantage of him.

"That Kapp'n…is a bad, bad man."

Yeah, so I updated. Woo! Also…

When you're only, FOOD is your only friend.

It's official! First I must become an Ood! Then, a lawyer.

And today I found out by spelling the word SOCKS out loud you're also saying the Spanish phrase 'Eso si que es' which means 'It is what it is'. So instead of saying YOLO let's say SOCKS.

SOCKS.

also Lyle's list is next so PM me if you want any facts added. I'll put your name under in brackets under it or whatever


	11. Lyle

I'm updating already so soon?! It's because I love writing this story more than my others because I can just go completely random which is fun for me. Anyway this time it's Lyle and next week is Pascal so if you want any Pascal facts included in the list I will put it in with your name under. ANYWAAAAY!

1). Lyle loves fish fingers!

"Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?" Puck exclaimed.

"Lyle." Groucho told him.

"Fish fingers." Boone added.

"In 1761." Sydney told him.

"In Clapton." Olivia nodded.

"Because of their fishy meatiness." Georgiee said.

"By eating them." Pate finished.

"Huh?"

"We just answered your questions. Keep up!"

2). If he was a tree, he'd be a good tree.

3). He got banned from Wimbledon for being a defrocked priest. (Credit to Spark12222)

4). If he drinks milk on its own, he throws up into a bucket.

"What if there isn't a bucket nearby?"

5). He travels to B&Q and throws up in one of them.

6). He looked ugly in his school photo.

7). In Wild World, I was afraid of him so I trapped him in holes and left. When I returned, every hole would be in place but Lyle would have disappeared. He then would jump out at me and I would cry.

8). His name is Lyle and he works with his dad supplying fresh milk and cream for Tesco. He is really proud to be partnered with Tesco, they pay him a fair price and in return he ensures the cows producing the milk are as healthy and happy as possible. Your milk is collected from his farm fresh everyday ensuring its the freshest milk you can buy. If you would like to find out more, please visit his monthly farm blog at: .com

"You just copied that off that milk carton on the floor!" Groucho shouted.

Everyone looked at the milk carton that was laying innocently on the floor. They then turned to Georgiee.

"I don't hafta listen to this!"

9). Lyle gave his first born son to the devil.

"That harsh bitch! Why?"

"Well, his first born son was the devil's son so he thought he better give it back."

"Oh."

10). He sacrificed a baby goat once.

"Lyle is officially creepy,"

11). Lyle has never dreamed of being the tooth fairy.

12). Lyle has never dreamed of being America's Next Top Model.

13). Lyle has never dreamed of being Father Christmas.

14). Lyle is married to Gareth.

"Who's Gareth?"

"I don't know."

15). Lyle works at the Happy Room Academy.

16). He hates working there.

17). His dream job is a astronaut.

18). He smokes hamsters.

"That reminds me. Why aren't there any hamster villagers?"

"Hamster villagers? Noooooo…"

19). Lyle used to have dreams…

20). Lyle used to have it all.

21). Big car, corner office, bang.

22). Then it all went to pot.

23). Yeah, it all goes downhill once you become a druggie.

"Let this be a lesson to you, kids!"

"AYE AYE, KAPP'N!"

"What? I thought he was dead!" Olivia exclaimed.

"Olivia, at what point in time did this whole thing have a plot at all?"

"Oh…"

24). Lyle has sent me a letter!

"Gasp!"

"What a coinkydink! What does it say?"

Hey! Georgiee!

Your room earned 91, 730 points. Bang! You got style. Lyle digs it. Maybe you could invite him over sometime.

From the HRA. Bang.

"…no."

25). I hate him. He laughed at my room full of chairs.

"Oh really?"

"Uh huh."

OH. HEY. LYLE NEAR FORGOT.

THOSE CHAIRS. HOW MANY ARE IN THERE? FIFTY? A MILLION. THAT'S A LOTTA CHAIRS. MUST HAVE A TON OF FRIENDS. THAT'S IT? MUST BE NICE. OL' LYLE WOULD LIKE SOME FRIENDS.

"We can be friends Lyle." Pate smiled. "Even if you talk too much."

"I HATE YOU LYLE. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE FRIENDS. EVER."

26). Lyle is the anti-Christ.

"Nope. That's my cousin."

Minute Two. He's still sat by his laptop with his headphones on but with the sound coming out of the speakers. Someone is going to get their head cut off and it is not me.

Minute Three. He's listening to some weird thing with weird pedo-y voices. It is 19:15. Merlin is on at 20:00. If this nonsense is still happening, his computer is going out of the window and I swear to God, he's going with it.

"So violent, Georgiee. Tut tut tut."

"You shut yo whore mouth!"

27). Lyle is bezzie mates with Mitt Romney.

28). He loves the smell of Dettoll.

29). It reminds him of his swimming days.

30). His mother never hugged him.

31). And she never hugged him because she never loved him.

"Awwwww…"

"I take back every bad thing I've ever said about him."

"Really, Georgiee? Really?"

"NO! DEATH TO WEASELS! AGHHHHHHHHH!"

32). Lyle is a silver fish.

33). He uses Cillit Bang in his shower.

34). He watches Bargain Hunt.

35). He's 152,121,692 years old.

36). He once burst out of a Christmas Pudding naked to surprise his wife.

37). It was the wrong pudding.

38). He jumped out of a Christmas Pudding at a male prison.

39). He was raped til the cows came home.

"Where have the cows been?"

"UP YER ARSE!"

40). His favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

41). If Sydney moved into his town, it would be the final push he needed to kill himself by jumping in front of Kapp'n's bus.

42). In fact, it was probably that which cause our bus to go flying over that stupid cliff.

43). F****** SYDNEY!

"How is it my fault?"

"You made him so depressed that he tried to kill himself and that's how we ended up here, you little cake-face!"

"Waaaaaaaa! Stop hitting me."

"NEVER!"

44). When you're lonely, FOOD is your only friend.

"Oh god, not this again."

"What? I thought it applied very well to Lyle's situation."

We do not remember days, we remember FOOD.

45). Lyle's real name is Lyleos Esteban Irwin Michelangelo Kevin Bristow.

"So? My real name is Georgianna Abracadabra Tiffany Izzy-Whizzy-Let's-Get-Busy Rawlings."

46). OMFG MERLIN IS ON ASJKDFNSGFRBSJ-

"Will you shut up and get back into the corner?!"

"Aw."

47). Lyle is going to buy me the Merlin movie for Christmas.

"Georgiee, I'm not playing with you! Get back in that corner."

"Fine! I'm going to play Zombie Farm so MYEH!"

"Brains."

"Who was that? Norman, was that you?"

48). Lyle is the dark destroyer.

49). He lurves broccoli.

50). He's going to marry broccoli.

51). He drowns his Sims on the play station.

"What the hell! Why?"

"Because he's the dark destroyer, numb-nuts."

52). He would run for the hills if Georgiee was having another rage when someone calls Luis Suárez racist.

"I do not go into a rage. I simply yell. And scream. And come up with VERY good arguments as to why he's not racist."

"And bite. And kick. And punch. And threaten to kill everyone. And threaten to kill everyone's mum. And slap. And set a small building on fire. And hit someone over the head with a leek. And jab a carrot into the eye of the same unfortunate person. And threaten to burn their zombie farms down. And burn their zombie farms down." Groucho continued.

"Yes…BUT HE'S NOT RACIST AND I WILL KILL ANYONE THAT SAYS HE IS."

"Well-" Puck interrupted.

"SHUT UP PUCK! I WILL KILL YOUR MUM! I WILL KILL YOUR MUM, DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOUR MUM? NO? THEN SHUT UP!"

53). Yes, that would definitely scare him.

54). Or scar him for life.

55). Lyle has a stick of celery up his bum.

56). He did it for a dare but it got stuck and it was been there err since.

57). He yells BANG because the celery sometimes grows and it hurts him.

58). Now you know children. Now you know.

59). He has never taken belly-dancing classes.

60). He owns two chihuahuas.

61). Tiddles and Lulu.

"What? Why Tiddles and Lulu?"

"That's what MY chihuahuas are called."

62). Lyle doesn't have arms.

63). Yes he does.

64). Lyle wants to ride a pony and sing 'Kumbya'

65). Whilst sitting on a mountain, holding the hands of Redd and Nook.

"KUMBYA, MY LORD. KUMBYA! KUMBYA, MY LORD, KUMBYA!"

"That was not an excuse to sing Kumbya."

66). He owns a tiger.

67). He lost a tooth today!

68). He wears a man-nappy that says 'Property of Government Services' on it.

"Why?"

69). You know the other day when we said that K.K left a baby on a bus?

"Yes?"

70). That baby was Lyle.

"KUMBYA, MY LORD. KUMBYA! KUMBYA, MY LORD. KUMBYA!"

"BOONE STOP ITTTT!"

71). Lyle plays the bongos.

72). Lyle is haunted by the ghost of Christmas Past.

73). Lyle likes to dig a hole in the ground, sit in it and pretend he's a carrot.

"Not in a house of rabbits you don't."

74). Lyle just broke his leg, falling down the stairs.

75). Georgiee's stairs.

76). From the basement.

77). Full of sex slaves.

"GEORGIEE! YOU SEX TRAFFICKER!"

"What?! I have to fund my zombie farm somehow. Norman must stay safe. There's Dread Pirates out there!"

78). Lyle made a fool of himself at the Christmas Party.

79). Lyle is good at burlesque.

"How would you know?"

80). That's what he was doing at the office Christmas Party.l

81). His debut album is called 'Songs For Me Nan'.

82). You can buy it at ASDA.

83). Whoops! Was £1. Now 37p!

"Ah! Sydney, I know what I'm getting you for Christmas!"

"Aw."

84). Lyle is going to dye alone and get eaten by his cats.

85). Lyle is a single lady.

86). Lyle knows the whole dance to Single Ladies

87). Lyle and Georgiee once did a beautiful cover of Fairytale In New York

"I remember that. It was beautiful."

"That's why I put that as the adjective."

88). Lyle has an incredibly expensive crystal duck.

"OMG I WROTE AN I IN DUCK BY ACCIDENT BUT ITS OK BECAUSE I CHANGED IT!"

"Phew!"

89). Lyle once got a detention for glueing a custard cream to the 'NO FOOD OR DRINK' poster when he was in R.E

"Georgiee, that was you."

"No!"

(It was. That's where I wrote this chapter. In detention for glueing a custard cream to the 'NO FOOD OR DRINK' poster in R.E)

90). Lyle has Zombie Farm!

91). His name is Geekasaurus xxx

92). Add him!

"What the hell is with that name?"

"He didn't want it! He wanted 'GeorgiexxxSuarez' like everything else he has an account for BUT his annoying friend decided to put that."

"Georgiee. You are not being very convincing."

"Ssh! (Add me! Geekasaurus xxx)"

"Stop that!"

93). Lyle has never had a number one hit.

94). Lyle frowns upon unicorns.

95). Lyle never did his homework as a child.

96). Lyle goes to Specsavers

97). Lyle isn't very good with the ladies.

98). Men like him though.

99). And dogs.

100). And cannibals.

"Fa la la la la, la la la la off!"

A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS! In 22 days…oh well :) so I am thinking of doing an Animal Crossing Christmas Story but doing a collaboration with someone. If you're interested, PM me or review or whatever. Add me on Zombie Farm! 'Geekasaurus xxx' is my name and I gift a lot and play a pot of tag with people's zombies so its all good! Byeeee

(And if you want any facts for Pascal's list, just say the word!)


	12. Pascal and some Rays

SUPRISE!

The more eagle-eyed of you will have noticed I have changed my name. That is because I now hate Luis Suarez because he is a basic dickhead.

Also, Sydney moved ages ago like before Christmas. THAT IS HOW LONG THIS HAS TAKEN ME.

But I'm going to keep her because it'll be boring otherwise.

I've done a Professor Layton version of this story. If you like this story and Professor Layton, you should check it out!

This contains swearing because I have a lot of unreleased angst.

Everyone huddled together as the rain poured down around them, not only dampening their spirits but their skin too.

"I'm f****** cold!" Sydney yelled.

"I've noticed that you have turned very rude and sweary now you're not in your comfort zone." Groucho frowned at her. "Was all that niceness just an act?"

"Shut the f*** up! You haven't got me pegged!"

"He's totally got you pegged."

"Shut up Georgiee, you f****** b****! I'll kill your f****** mum! I'll f****** stab your mum and I'll shoot your motherf****** dad, you f****** s*** bag!"

"Can we just start the list please?" Whimpered Olivia as mascara ran down her face.

1). Pascal has to be on some kind of drug.

"Like what?"

"Weed."

2). I have a weird urge (that I may have to ignore) to set Pascal's head on fire.

"Why? Whilst a flaming head may look cool, it rarely has practical purposes." Groucho frowned.

"Woah, woah, woah! What about caves?" Georgiee countered.

"Well…yes. Flaming head does enable you to see in a dark cave," Groucho admitted. "But then you'd be dead!"

"Not if it was a cave full of water. Or somebody else's head." And as soon as the words came out of her mouth, Georgiee's head turned to an unaware Sydney. "Get the matches."

3). Pascal is one with the fish.

4). Apart from rays.

5). We don't like rays.

6). Just look at their faces.

7). They're plotting.

"Plotting what?"

"Muffins. Muffins for all."

8). Those dastardly dastardels!

"That's not even a word."

"GUYS!" Olivia shouted for no reason whatsoever. "This isn't a list about rays! It's a list about Pascal!"

"Well…what if we changed the name to 'Pascal...and some rays'."

"That would be acceptable."

"Oh, good."

9). Pascal has a hobo beanie.

10). I want it.

11). I want to eat it.

12). Not sure why.

13). I saw a video on YouTube of a hacker that walked on water, followed Pascal as he floated off until he vanished.

"Well what did she expect? To follow him to some sort of fictitious secret Pascal cave lair?"

"I don't know. It wasn't me, was it? I don't have a YouTube channel. And if I did, I'd just put up videos of dancing cats." The second the words came out of her mouth, Georgiee turned her head to an unaware Olivia. "Get the catnip."

14). PASCAL HIDES SNACKS IN BARRELS.

15). HE'S GOT CHOCCY IN DEM BARRELS.

"What?"

"He has to keep his choccy somewhere. Where better than a barrel?"

16). RAYS KILLED STEVE IRWIN.

17). ALSO KNOWN AS CROCODILE STEVE.

18). THAT IS WHY WE MUST BE ANGRY AT THEM.

"Oh, yes. I forgot this list now consisted of random ray facts."

19). RAAAAAYS! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYS!

"I don't know how that constitutes as a fact but ok."

20). PASCAL MUST OVERCOME THE THINGS HE MUST OVERCOME!

21). YOU CAN DO IT PASCAL!

22). He is Animal Crossing's resident hippie.

23). Lyle needs to take some tips from his otter brethren and chill the fuck out.

"SYDNEY!" Groucho exclaimed. "YOU PUT STARS!"

"I WILL NOT! MY AUNTIE BAINBRIDGE DIDN'T AND NEITHER SHALL I!"

"YOUR AUNTIE BAINBRIDGE DIED!" Georgiee shouted back.

Sydney crawled into a ball and sobbed.

"Did she?" Olivia asked her.

"I don't know. But judging from the reaction, quite probably."

24). Pascal is not here.

"Well done."

*You tried!*

25). Pascal is in his fictitious secret Pascal cave lair.

26). PASCAL IS A SMALL PENGUIN IN A GROUP OF LIKABILITY

"What does that even mean?!"

27). RAYS ARE A SMALL PENGUIN IN A GROUP OF LIKABILITY

"Why are you shouting about small penguins in a group of likability?"

Georgiee shrugged.

28). The lifespan of a ray is 15-25 years.

29). The lifespan of a Pascal is 40-41 years.

"Oh no, he's going to die."

CRY CRY CRY CRY CRYYY

30). Can I put facts about Ray Charles?

31). He is a ray after all.

"Yes but he's a very different type of ray."

"Give me one good reason."

"Ray Charles isn't a fish."

"Arguable."

"And rays aren't blind."

"Blind ones are."

"But we're not doing facts about blind ones."

"…oh no."

32). Rays are little chicken poos on the face of humanity and the world in which we live.

"Since when did you not like rays?" Boone frowned at Georgiee.

"Well, once this ray stung Puck so I had to chop off its head and it made quite a commotion so me and Puck ran - well, galloped - away so the police wouldn't get us. That's why they are chicken poos."

"Fair enough."

33). PASCAL WATCHES HOLBY CITY!

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN

34). HE ALSO WATCHES CASUALTY!

35). HE'S AN OLD WOMAN!

36). OR MY MOTHER BECAUSE SHE ALSO WATCHES SILLY STUFF LIKE THAT.

37). She is a pain what with her always getting pregnant.

38). Then she yells at me all the time like its my fault.

39). She should be blaming Simon. It's all his fault.

40). Hats live in his house! (Thanks to Sparkie!)

41). Does this mean that houses live in his hats?

42). I SHOULD THINK NOT!

43). Pascal likes biscuits.

44). He wants to marry them.

45). It would have to be a civil partnership.

46). Pascal dropped his cheese!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Everyone cried out in anguish.

47). Pascal loves Sydney.

Pascal popped his head out of a nearby pond.

"No I don't. I love biscuits :(. " he corrected them sadly. He didn't want the biscuits to think he was cheating on them.

48). THE CAMPTON LADIES SING THIS SONG, DOO DAH, DOO DAH!

49). That is a fact about Pascal, shut up cos it's true.

50). Pascal once set fire to a woman for eating his biscuits.

51). He once dressed someone as a cake and fed them to sharks because they bought him new biscuits in front of his old biscuits and created complications in their marriage.

52). Rays don't like other rays and have complications in any romantic relationships they try to have.

53). Pascal missed Christmas because he was high and didn't know what day it was.

54). Pascal has an annual car boot sale, even though he doesn't have a car.

55). Pascal smokes all those scallops you give him and you aren't helping his addiction.

(Thanks to Guest!)

56). If Pascal was a dragon, he'd be a cool dragon.

57). Pascal's face!

58). I like dat shit!

"Sydney you shut up or I will change my mind and I WILL drive you to ASDA and leave you there."

59). Pascal collects kitten snow globes.

(Thanks to Sparkie!)

60). He doesn't have a banana corn plant.

(Thanks to Sparkie!)

61). He spent 670, 000, 000 years looking for the ancient mess fig tree!

(Thanks to Sparkie!)

"Did he ever find it?"

"No."

"670, 000, 000 years well spent, obviously."

62). PASCAL IS GOING TO MARRY LUIS SUAREZ AND HE IS GOING TO LIKE IT!

63). Pascal can jump so high he nearly hits the sun with his face.

64). He narrowly misses it by 149.599 million kilometres.

65). Pascal is ashamed of his rare medical condition called 'Stupidity'

66). Pascal is looking for his long lost love called Elizabeth.

67). Pascal's bum is surprisingly hairy.

68). Pascal has the keys to the world.

69). He can't

70). He won't

71). He never will

72). Stop the party.

"Are you all having a good time out here?" Groucho asked.

73). YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH! *random Spanish* DON'T STOP THE PAAAAAARTAYYYY!

"We do not need that type of culture in this list thank you."

74). Pascal goes thrift shopping.

"What, what? What? What, what? What, what? What? What, what?" Olivia repeated.

"DURNURNUR DURNURNUR DURNURNUR NAH!" Boone sang.

"Woah!" Puck shouted. Then he imitated a saxophone.

"IM GONNA POP SOME TAGS, ONLY GOT TWENTY DOLLARS IN MY POCKET! IM- IM IM HUNTING, LOOKING FOR A (whatever that word is, THIS IS FOOPING AWESOME!" Sydney sang, for once censoring herself.

75). Is that Pascal's grandma's coat?

76). Pascal plays on Sims and marries everyone.

77). The stingray's tail features a poisonous barb, which is used only in self-defence. Stingrays are generally docile and will swim close to divers and snorkelers without fear.

"What?" Sydney frowned because she was very confused.

78). Pascal can fart the Nokia phone tune.

79). I'm going to invite him round for tea.

80). We'll have little chicken bits in the shape of dinosaurs, beans and some mashed potato.

"Oh, that'll be nice." Groucho smiled. "Has he asked his mum and dad?"

81). I do believe he has.

82). Pascal is scared of Slenderman.

83). Pascal fancied his high school P.E teacher, Mr Gibbons.

84). He also fancied his high school English teacher, Miss Banana-Cartmell.

85). He's funny that way.

"I bet he is."

86). He's a nymph, what with all his flirting.

87). It's like baboons who flash their red bottoms to attract a mate.

88). He's a red bottomed nympho who needs to sort his life out.

89). Before he gets pregnant.

90). Pascal supports m-preg.

91). Pascal is a pop sensation in Leopards.

92). He covers Lana Del Rey songs and whilst they may lack in quality, he provides wonderful music videos.

93). If Pascal was a cheese, he'd be Gorgonzola.

94). Many rays have jaw teeth to enable them to crush mollusks such as clams and oysters.

95). Pascal dislikes socks.

96). They're against his religion.

97). His religion is Tom Nook.

"I'm going to hold that against him." Groucho frowned. "That's wrong and I blame him for everything that's gone wrong in my life."

98). Pascal's hat looks like an onion.

99). He's a diving champion.

100). He has forgotten to turn the oven off.

* * *

You can thank SharkGirl for this! She reviewed on my Phoenix Wright story and told me to update so I am doing so! Huzzah!


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